Top Ten Reasons I’m Glad I’m Not a Chick
10. Taking a leak
Chicks seem to have no bladder. And they can’t piss wherever they want just like us guys can. But as a kid I accidently went into the women’s washroom for a split second and was amazed at how much nicer and bigger they are than the men’s.
9. Shaving
I hate shaving and I go for days without. I like to go for the rugged masculinity look. I didn’t start shaving my beard until like grade eleven. If you call my beard a beard. But I do love stroking my beard while I’m thinking. Now imagine being a girl; I would have to shave my legs, my armpits, down below, and pretty much anywhere. By the way, does shaving hair make it thicker?
8. Getting paid less
It’s sexist that women get paid less for the doing same job men do. I think it is because traditionally men are the primary providers of the family. This sucks if you’re single woman.
7. I’d have to be a lesbian
I love women so much I’d be a huge dyke if I was a chick. I think everyone loves lesbians. It’s too bad that hot homosexual women are few and far between. Unlike gay men. But there are some out there. By the way, if you ever have the chance then watch “But I’m a Cheerleader.” It’s all about gay people and is hilarious.
6. Taking so damn long to get dressed
My mom takes like thirty minutes every morning just to get ready to leave the house for anything. Such as buying milk at the Kwik-E Mart. It takes her upwards of an hour if she is going out to some social event. It takes me about ten minutes to have a shower, brush my teeth and throw on some clothes. Again I don’t shave everyday.
5. Nobody likes fat chicks
It’s too bad that in our culture that women are far more pressured than guys to look thin. Look at any sitcom or Family Guy for instance; the father can be a fat sloth but the mother is smoking hot. I think there are two different kinds of fat chicks. There are the nice and funny ones who’s personality makes up for being overweight or ugly. And then there are the mean ones who are mean because nobody could love them.
4. Being called a whore
If you are man and have sex all of the time, then you’re a playa. Or a pimp. If you’re a chick that likes to get down and busy then you’re as total slut. Personally I like sluts; they know what they want and they are not afraid.
3. Lame girl’s night out
I don’t know what chicks do when they are together for a girl’s night out. Us men usually get drunk, eat wings, watch the game and just get rowdy. Whatever girls do, it sounds boring. Maybe they have a calories fest and eat Haagen-Dazs and nachos. Maybe they watch shitty reality shows like the bachelor.
2. Periods
I took me a long ass time to find out about women’s menstrual cycle. Now that I know, I wish I didn’t. It sounds gross. But I loved that part in Super Bad when he didn’t know what the blood on his pants was. It also took me a long ass time to find out about circumcision and that I’m actually circumcised. I thought it was only for Jews.
1. Giving birth
That’s gotta suck.
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