Get the Phone

Am I the only one who doesn’t have a cell phone? I see little kids with them now. I find no need for one. I’d use the pay phone or borrow someone else’s. I rather keep that forty dollars and go on a spending spree at the dollar store. And I rather play video games on my DS.

Remember rotary phones? Where it takes like two minutes to dial. Well we still have one laying around the house and I keep telling my mom to throw it out or I’m going to beat it with a hammer. It is completely useless. We also don’t have touch tone on some of our phones. So whenever I get lonesome I can’t call a dating service or a hooker. And every time I call my dad at work I have to use the operator. Yes I know his extension. And we still don’t have call display.

Remember Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell? He had liked the first portable phone and it was huge. Wait guys I have to climb this mountain to get better reception. How do the new ones work anyhow? They are so small now and have this nano technology. Can they get even smaller? What’s next, a chip in your head so you can telepathically call someone else?

My mom finally got Magic Jack. It uses the internet or something and you have unlimited calls anywhere. Now she’s on the phone with her friends or relatives constantly for an hour each time. Mom I need the phone right now; Pizza Hut closes in ten minutes and I want delivery. Yes I will use my own money. Or my dad needs the computer. In fact he bought an Ipad for my mom for that reason and she didn’t want it. Funny side story, I recall doing this a couple of times; I answer the phone for my dad and I accidentally hang the phone up and get him. And then he asks twenty questions. What do they want? Um, to talk to you. Who did it sound like? A person. Fine I guess the will call back.

I always wanted to put George Costanza on my answering machine if I had one. Believe it or not Greg isn’t at home. Please leave a message at the beep. I must be out, or I’d pick up the phone, where could I be? Believe it or not, I’m not home.

Then you get telemarketers. I thought that was banned in Canada?  I’m in the middle of World of Warcraft and the phone rings. I can’t pause and I finally get to the phone and it’s some dude asking about toilets. Sometimes I don’t know if it is important or not. You get a call about your finance or bank and I think it’s legit. So I have to go through the house for my dad or the back yard for nothing. Not to be racist but if he sounds East Indian, he’s a telemarketer. I hope they hate their jobs, but to be fair that’s probably the only job they could get. Remember the Seinfeld episode where Jerry gets a telemarketer and basically says; hey, I can't talk right now but can I call you at home later. Yeah, just give me you number and I'll give you a call. Oh, so you don't like people calling you at home? Well, now you know how I feel...