Back in the day, the Bible was a way of explaining things. Only the writers did a piss poor job. For example they try to explain how the Earth was created. There are zillions of stars and other planets that were made in a single day. Only now we know that there is a massive universe out there and our world is an insignificant spec of dust. And there has to be other life forms somewhere out there.
I always hear “oh this part of the bible is not to be taken literally” when it is realized that it could never have happened or is impossible. So I guess people think this part is supposed to be a moral lesson or moral compass. What is the moral lesson of the Earth being made in six days and on the seventh day we can’t shop at Wal-Mart or mow the lawn?
And I don’t know what constitute work that you can’t do on the Sabbath. Is washing the dishes or fixing a leak work? I hope the good people at McDonalds that make my delicious Big Macs don’t go to Hell because it’s a Sunday. Hmm, Big Macs.
But how are we supposed to interpret the bible and know what is to be taken literally and what is taken as fact? It seems that these parts are true until proven absurd by science. Like creationism. You can’t just pick and choose what you want to be taken literally or figuratively. “Oh Adam and Eve never happened, but Revelations; that’s real.”
I love how every generation thinks they will witness the end of the world. And they keep on their tipping toes. The thing is there are always wars through history and there are always people who think it will be this will be the end all of human existence.
By the way, what exactly happens in the apocalypse? Does God just destroy everything except Heaven and Hell? On the other hand it only took Him like six days to create the Universe. It took longer for the guys to put up our fence. I’m sure He can create a new one if He felt like it.
A lot of Christians haven’t even read the damn Bible. Or not very much of it. The bible is like a guide to life; you’d think it would be important to know a little about it and know the rules. I bet they think they have the gist. “Oh well there are the Ten Commandments, Jonah hanging out inside a whale and Jesus walking on water and you know...”
But you can’t just go around thinking you have the gist. That’s like saying I can fly an airplane because I have the gist. “Our pilots are dead! Does anyone know how to fly a plane?” “I can. I know the gist. Hmm, okay there’s the landing gear, the throttle and the gage. Right.”
If people never have read the Bible, they don’t realize how much insane and evil shit there is in it. Take slavery for example. It’s in there. Or how about Abraham about to kill his own son for God. What kind of evil God would test someone like that? That’s like God telling me to bomb a daycare center and just as I am about to light the fuse some angel stops me. If I had a son, I’d tell God to fuck off and send me to Hell.
And people don’t realize how much is not in the bible. Take Heaven for example. As far as I know the Bible authors have never really wrote much about the afterlife and what it is like. You’d think it’s important to know, and that they would give at least a little description. And the Pope isn’t in there either.
I think everyone can agree that Noah’s Arc never happened. If you think it did happen, then you’re stupid. There is no way someone could travel to the four corners of the world, capture two of every animal and bring them back to his massive arc that he built in a few weeks. And you’d have to keep them separated so they don’t kill each other and feed them for a whole month.
Never happened. So the story of Noah’s arc isn’t to be taken literally. Then why is it in the bible in the first place? There are no moral lessons or reasons for it. Except maybe that God is a vengeful and evil asshole that drowns little children.
Anyway I’m going to jerk off and watch the Golden Girls. Haha not literally.
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