White Wedding

I think it’s every girls dream to have a fairy tail wedding. And every guy’s dream to have an awesome wedding night, unless of course they didn’t save themselves. But I’m sure it would still be hot. My mom has a huge pet peeve of the bride and groom stuffing each other’s faces with cake. I mean they’re all dressed up elegantly and she gets cake on her $1000 dress. And of course that one fat chick at every wedding will miss out on the cake. And I hear of some weddings costing like $25000. Yes, $5000 worth of flowers, that’s worth it. My parents wedding cost only like $250 and their honeymoon was in Viagra Falls Ontario.

I’ve only been to two weddings. One when I was really young and of course Jay and Lisa’s wedding. I went to Sears to get my suit, I looked damn sharp.  During the ceremony I sat down in the pew with my mom; the first time I’ve been inside a church with her since the time Star Wars the Phantom Menace came out. Of course as soon as the wedding party started walking down the isle I had to pee. Real bad.  I was hoping the bride’s maids could walk a little faster.  I didn’t want to piss in my new sharp suit. I did eventually pee. It felt good.  I made it back the ceremony and almost shed a tear of joy. The reception was awesome; I got pretty drunk.  But how often do my friends get married. Maybe because I have hardly any friends, and that’s including my mom. Hmm.

Anyway back to the real reason why I’m writing about weddings.  The royal wedding is happening this Friday!  The last time I was this excited was when the Golden Girls DVD Box Set came out. I hear that some residents have actually rented out their homes to tourists.  And I hear that not even our Prime Minister or other politicians are invited despite our close ties with Britain. Too bad it’s supposed to rain hard that day. I feel real bad for all of the spectators. Catherine is of course very sexy. I always wonder why Charles left Diana for sheep face Camilla. Security will be very tight. You got tons of cameras, snipers and good old bobbies with their stupid hats and clubs. I wonder who will become King when the Queen dies. The public would favor William over Charles And I’m curious as to the royal lineage; could the queen’s ancestors go back to Longshanks from Brave Heart? Anyway I hope every thing works out this time and the marriage doesn’t crumble and the paparazzi doesn’t make out like a bandit.