2012 Olympics

Well the Olympics are well underway with China in the lead. China always wins the competitions except for basketball or weight lifting. They are probably forced to workout everyday and they have to win or else their whole family is whipped out.

The Olympics originated in ancient Greece where athletes came together to compete for their city and god. Ancient Greece was a little homo erotic. For example the wrestlers competed bare naked and the women couldn’t participate.  That would be hot though if two chicks went at it nude.

I realize when I wrestled we wore singlets, which is pretty much spandex, or else you could grab onto the clothing. Again the Greeks wore nothing and you could plainly see their junk just dangly there.  There had to be rules like no eye gouging, pulling of the hair or grabbing the nuts.

The opening ceremony was short but sweet and went without a hitch.  Some dude never threw a discus at the Queen. She didn’t look too impressed; she looked kind of bored. So for each nation somebody carries their flag and they march long the stadium. That would be awesome unless your event is early next morning.

There were countries like Liechtenstein that I have never even heard of. I actually saw some countries with like two athletes. I’m sure they enjoyed just being there. I was wondering if any countries were not invited like North Korea or Afghanistan. Either way they wouldn’t win anything unless they are doing the shooting events or blow yourself up events.

Since England is hosting the Olympics there are so some differences, such as driving the wrong side of the road. There is of course the time difference which screws up my schedule. I’m not going to wake up at 8:00 am to watch ping pong and what happens if the View is on at the same time as women beach volleyball?

I was looking at the events and I saw that there was hockey. So I’m wondering why the fuck would they hold hockey in the summer Olympics. Well apparently the English call field hockey just hockey. They also call soccer; football. Which makes sense because you kick the ball with your feet unlike American football. And then there is handball; I have no idea what that is.

I would never want to participate in the Olympics because I’m lazy and I don’t want waste my precious time training vigorously all day, every day and not smoking weed or playing video games. My question is, can athletes smoke weed because it’s not a performance enhancing drug. Too bay it stays in the system for weeks and is detectable by most drug tests.

It’s sad for every athlete who doesn’t win a gold because who gives a shit if you got silver or bronze. Even if you do win, what would you do with your gold or platinum medals anyway. Do you wear it around your neck when you go out or does it stay on your mantle for everyone to see. It’s a medal, it doesn’t do anything, it never says I love you or cook your favorite meal. At the most you can pawn it for drugs.

Gymnastics is crazy. Like podracing gymnastics is very dangerous, you must have Jedi reflexes. I see these guys doing like triple back flips and landing on poles and what not. I would not want to break my leg or land on my nuts. The girls kind of scare me because they look like dudes with their huge pulsing muscles. So some gymnast might perform flawlessly until they land slightly wrong and lose after years of hard conditioning for nothing.

The javelin throw is pretty cool. I wonder who invented the game. Did some kids try to see how far they can throw a stick and it caught on. I heard of one story where some guy was practicing the javelin throw and through it into some poor guy’s head. He’s okay, but I doubt he’s going to be the next Stephen Hawkins.

The swimming events are fun but unfair. It’s too bad for the countries that can’t afford pools and never played water polo before. I doubt they could even swim across the pool. The Americans dominate; as you remember from the last Olympics, Phelps took home eight.

My favorite events has to be running ones; you want to see who is the fastest person on Earth. I used to be quite the runner myself, they called me the flash. Haha. No they didn’t. Too bad our own Ben Johnson lost his gold medal because he used steroids. He will be known as the fastest person on Earth, on steroids.

And women’s shot put is for lesbians.