Amusement Parks

I’m Going to Sea World!

I really do enjoy going to Amusement parks. But getting sick completely ruins the experience. I think the first theme park I have been to is Boblo Island. I hear it has closed a while ago and is now some ghost theme park. Being next to Detroit I bet they have a growth operation there.

I don’t remember much about it except I almost puked on the UFO ride where it spins around and you are stuck against the wall. “I want off! I want off.” Imagine I did puke in the ride. That would be so funny. So as soon as I get out I puked like crazy. I didn’t even make it to the garbage can.

I think I should have taken gravel but I had a bad experience with it a long time ago. I used to get car sick and so when I was going camping with my friend and his family, I was prepared and brought a package. Well I took one and it made it worse. So I took three more pills because I was sick. I didn’t realize it was the gravel making me so sick in the first place. It was one of the worst feelings ever and I was fucked up for that whole night. So the first time I went deep sea fishing I got sea sick half way through. So the next time I finally tried the gravel again and drank a lot of water. Well it worked and I had an awesome time. I actually caught a small shark.

Cedar Point is my favorite theme park. It has the tallest and best roller coasters. The problem is the whole you have to be this tall to ride. What about short people and midgets? It’s like going to a liquor store. “Sorry sir you have to be this tall to buy Jagermeister.” So my family went to the Point with our friends. The whole trip I was so excited about riding the Demon Drop. I was all pumped up and ready to ride. I finally get to the top of the stairs when I freak out. And I did the whole walk of shame.

We return a few years later and I finally faced the Demon Drop. So we get to the tallest roller coaster at the time; the Magnum. I sat with my brother who was twice my size. He actually lifted up his knees when the bar lowers and I was hanging on for dear life. Then the coaster slowly goes up the hill and I start to panic. “I want off, I want off!” Well we make the drop and the rest was butter. I wanted to do it again.

I love playing the carnival games. Normally the rim for the basketball game is the same size as the ball. But my dad and people left, right and center were winning these prizes. I bet they buy wholesale carnival prizes at Costco and even still make money when people win.

A few years later I go with my aunt, her lover and my cousin to Disney World. The Magic Kingdom is for youngsters. Again I have been on the tallest roller coaster and Disney World just can’t compete. The trick to theme parks is going on a day when people most likely won’t come, like a Monday. We went to the Magic Kingdom first and it was raining off and on. The lineups for the popular rides are normally like a fucking hour long. We were actually running through what was supposed to be the line.

First we go on the log ride. They take photos of you when you drop down the waterfall. I was laughing and I did the whole arms above my head. My cousin on the other hand look liked he was going to piss his pants. I have never let that down.

I think the only rides I enjoyed were Space Mountain, the Haunted House and my favorite the Pirates of the Caribbean. And the worse ride has to be It’s a Small World. I can’t believe it happened but our boat actually stalled and we were trapped by the Swedish and Eskimos singing for a half hour. That’s priceless.

The next day I was disappointed that the water park was closed. Why, because the temperature was about 78 degrees. Hey I’m from Canada and 78 degrees is awesome. It’s funny that the next time I went with my family we were at the beach. Only nobody was swimming except two other people. We get talking and guess what. They were Canadian too.

Too bad the Magic Kingdom can’t really expand to build new rides. Okay leave the Dumbo ride because it’s classic. But Future World isn’t so futuristic anymore. I had a much better time going to Epcot and MGM. But liked Universal so much more. When I went they had awesome rides like the Back to the Future ride, King Kong and of course Jaws.

Now I have heard of some chilling statistics about Disney World. Apparently Disney is the top employer of pedophiles. It makes sense since they are around kids all of the time. That makes me sick; I hope they burn in Hell. But it’s funny that there is a certain day each year referred to as gay day where thousands of homosexuals visit. “I’m wearing Goofy’s hat. I’m so goofy.” “You are a silly goof.” “No you’re the silly goof, silly goof.”

There are also the Disney mascots. I’m not sure who and how many mascots there are. I would love to meet Launch Pad. I’m not a young kid anymore but do they actually believe some guy dressed up a Mickey is the real Mickey? At what age do you realize that it’s not the real Mickey? I mean he never talks and he is always smiling. He doesn’t even move his mouth. And if you take off Mickey’s head it freaks them out. I wonder if there are two or more Mickey’s in the whole park like there is a Santa at each mall. “Dammit Jim, some kid knows there is three Mickey’s. We need some crowd control.” “And we need more Bort license plates.”