Conspiracies

They Are After Me

Conspiracy theorists piss me off so much. They are a combination of paranoia, denial, make believe and just plain stupidity. I bet they have never have heard of Occam’s razor. Occam’s razor states that the simplest explanation is usually the right one.

Take the death of Kirk Cobain. It’s painfully obvious that he committed suicide by shooting himself. But there are all these dumbass theories like Courtney killed him and then made it look like a suicide and faked the suicide note. Or there was too much heroine for him to shoot himself.

Nine-Eleven

9/11 was such a horrific tragedy. It’s blatantly obvious that the planes destroyed the Trade Center towers by crashing into them. Scientists have proven that the explosion caused by the crash melted the steel structures and caused a chain reaction in which the buildings collapsed upon itself. The hijackers were all crazy fucking Middle Easterns. But I don’t think Iraq had anything to do with it.

Making 9/11 conspiracies is a kick to the face to everybody affected by it. There are a million theories and they contradict each other. My question is why they don’t believe that there was no conspiracy and was only an attack by crazy foreigners?

The biggest stupid theory had to be that the government bombed the towers.  Don’t get me wrong, I think the U.S. government at times can be evil. Look at Iraq. But the government is not that crazy or evil to have done this on their own civilians. Anyone who believes or perpetuates this is mega fucking retarded.

Let me get this straight, they planted bombs on the base of the building that just so happened to blow up at the same exact time the planes crashed. How convenient. If you see the footage the explosion blows up near the top of the building. If there was a bomb then the explosion would occur at the bottom of the building. Fuck you conspirators.

Moon Landing

I don’t understand why skeptics believe the moon landing was all a hoax. They claim it was all done in some studio. I guarantee that if it was fake you would notice. But if it was faked, they did a great job. Have you seen the original Star Trek sets?  I mean did they use ropes or anti gravity technology when the astronauts leap?

Crazy people believe that the shadows were all wrong and that it had to be the lighting in the studio. Well Mythbusters pretty much proven it was real. Check it out on Youtube to see for yourself. Conspiracy nuts also claim that the flag was flapping when apparently there is no wind on the moon. And then astronauts took pictures of Earth. Try faking that.

I just don’t get why people can’t believe in the moon landing. Is it that hard to believe? I mean why would NASA go through all of this trouble just too to trick people into believing we could reach the moon.

So was the whole launch faked? Are all of the other spaces launches since then faked too? Is there really no Mir Space station? How about the Mars robot thingamajig? Was that all done in the studio too? Do I ask too many damn questions? Yes I do. All of the fucking time.

The thing is that Neil Armstrong fucked up his classic line when he says “one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” He was supposed to say one small step for “a” man. My point is if they did this in a studio they would just do another take.

Area 51

I already wrote a long blog about aliens a long time ago. I’ll just summarize. I’m sure there are aliens or life out there, but I think we will never make contact because of the sheer distance. If they were here, then everyone would find out eventually. It would have leaked like the latest Tina Turner album.

Of course a UFO is an unidentified flying object. What annoys me is when people think anything in the sky must be a UFO. “I see a moving light. It couldn’t be a plane or satellite. It’s a UFO. Get the president, we have visitors.” People have even tried building a UFO saucer. It just doesn’t work.

I hate people who claim they were abducted and aliens shoved a probe up there ass for no reason. What do the aliens have to gain from this? I’ll admit when my wrench got stuck up my ass I could only tell them I sat on it so many times.

So Area 51 is some secret highly classified government military base where they conduct secret highly classified military experiments. So what is the point of all of this? What are they doing and why all of all of this secrecy? Again crazy people think they hold aliens and alien technology.

I wonder what the typical day is of an employee is like. “Honey I’m home.” “How was your day?” “Good, but if I told you than I would have to kill you.” “What?” “Haha, no just the usual. We did some more testing on the Gorak. And for all of the abductions and anal probes, we stuck one big one up his ass. Take that Gorak.”

However there is a conspiracy that the Royal Canadian Mounted Police are after me. They are putting drugs into my Captain Crunch and fluoride in my drinking water. And they have been surveilling me. At first there was an icecream truck parked in front of my house. I caught on because it was in the Winter. Then they had the cable van parked a few houses down the street. I caught on because it was there for a month. And then they Jehovah’s witnesses come to my door. I don’t know if it was the government or just crazy people. Why are they watching me? Because I hold important knowledge that the government needs and they want to silence me. That’s why I don’t own a cell phone. In fact my whole blogpage is a cover. My real name is Scott Turbostone.