Urkel and Family Matters

Thank God It’s Friday. That means its Family Matters! The show began many years ago as a middle class family living in the Chicago suburbs. The character Urkel was later added and soon stole the spotlight. It might as well have been called the Urkel Show.

The cast include the father Carl Winslow who is a fatass cop. He was also a fatass cop in the movie Die Hard. They don’t really tell how his day went. You never hear about any heroine bust, high speed chases, armed robberies or even shooting a suspect in the head. I’m sure he just works at the office behind a desk being fat and all.

Harriet Winslow is the typical mother but she isn’t really funny. Normally in sitcoms the mother is hot while it doesn’t matter how the father looks. Not in this case. I assume she is a homemaker but I wonder how they can make enough money to support themselves on a cop’s salary. She must be a good cook because Carl is such a fatass.

Laura is the hot chick that Urkel is obsessed with. It’s almost like Urkel is some kind of stalker. Look Laura for once and for all just tell Steve straight up that you don’t like him as boyfriend and never will.  If this continues get a restraining order.

Eddie is the oldest son that still lives with his parents. Haha loser! Normally the older brother looks after his sister and her boyfriends. But he doesn’t do anything. At least tell Urkel to stop this fixation of his or you will fuck him up.

His friend Waldo is the token dumbass. Imagine if he was in one of those Where’s Waldo books. I guess everyone would have to be black or else it would be pretty easy to find him. Still black people look all the same. I’m joking.

There is also aunt Rachel and her son Richie. Their father is dead. How nice. Aunt Rachel has been in and out of the show while Richie has stayed with the Winslow’s. That’s pretty inconsiderate of her just leaving her son like that. Richie might ask where his father is and Rachel would tell him that’s why she’s going to happy hour.

Then there is the younger daughter Judy that magically disappeared without any explanation. It was like she was never there. I wonder how they told her she’s not needed anymore. Did the producers just break it to her gently and explain that she isn’t funny and it’s a bitch to include her in the script?

There is also the granny the creature. She’s dead now.

And then there is everyone’s favorite dork Steve Urkel. His famous line is “did I do that?” For example; in his piece of shit car he might smoke Richie, break his neck and say did I do that? Yes Urkel you incompetent fuck, you did do that. You never really see his family nor do you hear him getting the shit kicked out of by bullies. And again throughout the show he tries to rape Laura. And then there is Urkel’s cool alter ego Stephan Urkal.

I wonder how all of these family members can fit in one small house? You see the house at the credits and there’s no way. Let’s think. Obviously Carl and Harriet will share a room. I’m hoping the old hag gets her own room because old people smell. Laura must have her own room or else that’s just creepy. You got Eddie’s room where he jerks off. And then you’re left with Rachael and Richie. I just hope Rachael doesn’t bring in any strange men home. And that’s just the bedrooms.

There must be a kitchen big enough for everyone to eat at. Again Carl is a fatass. You see the living room in the show. I’m hoping they have at least two televisions. There is no way everyone can share one T.V. Harriet might be watching the View while Laura wants to watch Glee or whatever the fuck teenage girls watch. And there is no way in Hell they can all share one bathroom. I mean Laura will be taking a shower and doing her makeup while Carl has to take a huge shit.

Eventually the show jumped the shark with all of these preposterous Urkel antics and was cancelled. I wonder where they are now? I have never seen any of these actors in anything significant after the show was done for. But I know it must be a bitch for the actor behind Urkel. I hope after years of his high pitch voice he didn’t fuck up his vocal cords. I’m sure his now typecast and called Urkel everywhere he goes.