Jack Black.

Don’t get me wrong Jack Black is very funny. He’s really good in minor rolls, such as when he kicks Farrell’s dog off the bridge in Anchorman. Or he is great in Tropic Thunder. I’m not the biggest fan of his music. Some songs at first were funny but later become annoying. Such as the greatest song ever song. But he stars in some of the crappiest movies.

Shallow Hal was just stupid. You know the movie sucks when the funniest scene in the preview is when the fat chick jumps into the pool and some kid is magically thrown into the tree and says mommy. Haha I get it she’s fat. I think it would be funnier if the kid gets thrown into the tree with a branch pierced right through his head.

If you haven’t seen the movies then don’t. Here is the gist; he somehow gets hypnotized into seeing women’s inner beauty. A little farfetched but it’s just a movie and I shouldn’t worry about the implications. But you’d think he will notice something is array. For example, they have sex and her panties are small. However as soon as he takes them off they are huge. Spoiler alert. Jack finally sees her as she is and finds her beautiful. That’s sweet; the unhealthy and morbidly obese person is beautiful because she likes chipmunks, rainbows and sponsors some African kid.

I love George from Seinfeld; he is my favorite character; I like him even better than Kramer. And he was just wasted in this movie as the friend. What kind of a friend doesn’t ask why Hal is fucking a total pork hog? Umm Jack we all love and care for you. But enough going out with that Good Year blimp. It was funny at first, I mean large women need loving too, but please just stop it. Please.

School of Rock was entertaining at best. But again stupid. I don’t want to over speculate but some burnout musician that somehow becomes a teacher is a pretty dumb film idea. So instead of teaching the students useful things like math or science he teachers them rock and or roll. Sure enough students will not complain about not learning anything but you would think someone would find out sooner. Well Timmy what did you learn today? Well dad I learned today that Snoop Dog apparently sucks and I learned how to play the cymbals. I mean can’t the rest of the school hear the music down the hall? So Jack forms a rock band as the lead singer with only one original song. I wonder if he teaches them how to inject heroine into their arms or how to be slutty groupies.

Jack has starred in a number of straight to home video movies. I bet nobody has seen Nacho Libre in the theater. But if so they probably walked out and saw Snow Dogs Three instead. I think I actually stopped watching it after five minutes and decided to scratch the

DVD. I was pretty stoned when I watched King Kong and I don’t remember shit. That’s probably a good thing. I never seen Be Kind Rewind but I’m sure it sucks balls.  I made the mistake of renting the Pick of Destiny thinking it might be good this time. I was wrong. I want my toonie and ten minutes back.