The Grammys

So I posted my blog about Tony Danza and I thought hey I haven’t got drunk since last Wednesday. I had six pack of Canadian just calling out for me. And since I’m a reverse retiree it doesn’t matter what day I drink.

So I started watching the red carpet and pounding my beers away. I also drank three of my dad’s Corona. However I got kicked out of the basement by my dad and then my mom kicked me out of the living room because she was watching House. She also asked how many beers I had and that I shouldn’t be drinking on a Sunday.  I told her to fuck off.

Then out loud I said okay I will watch it on my 13inch screen T.V. that’s older than me.

And that I will only drink two and that I haven’t had a beer since October. I ran into Irving and Mr. Irving  on said Wednesday and talked for only about ten minutes before they had to leave. The wings were excellent but I find even mild a bit too hot.

I noticed that some investment company provided close captioning for the Grammys. What a slap on the face is that to my hearing impaired friends. Sure they can enjoy the light show or what Lady Gaga is wearing but are they going to enjoy reading what Adele is singing?

I only saw bits and pieces and I missed what Lady Gaga was wearing on the red carpet. Normally I couldn’t give a fuck who are you wearing but I think she’s hilarious. Last time I saw her in a dress it was made of meat. Who designed or butchered that dress? The funny thing is that she can wear whatever she wants. I mean do you remember when Bjork was wearing a swan as a dress. I think she ended up killing herself after that humiliation. Lady Gaga could get away with wearing a scarf made of baby kittens.

Houston we have a problem. As we all know Whitney Houston is dead and has been a huge buzzkill for the show. So this interviewing bitch kept asking the exact same damn question to everyone about how they feel about Whitney. And these celebrities have to regurgitate the same damn thing to every other interviewer. Okay I admire her music and all but I bet these artists really don’t care that much. This is what I would say “its bitter sweet, she was a legend and I think she will be missed by all, but I’m sure she would want us to enjoy the music.”

I want to know who exactly gets into the audience. I see that the place is jammed pack and I wonder who are these people? Are they producers, celebrities, fans or what? I never saw Brittney on the red carpet or inside the show. Is she invited or not because they never showed her on the camera.  I bet that she would be totally pissed off not being invited because her career is over. She’s not all that hot anymore and all of her songs are about how famous she is and how much her fame sucks.

LL Cool J is the host of the 54^th Grammies. I haven’t heard from him since Deep Blue Sea. I think my friend Stics would do any awesome job at directing the awards. They always seem to show random people or close up on nominees. I laugh when they show all the nominees faces when they lose. Most of them look happy and are clapping for Adele or if anyone else won at all.  Inside they are all pissed off and calling her a fat bitch.

I really do admire Adele, she has a killer voice and Rolling in the Dark is a powerful song.  She is kind of cute but she would look a lot better if she lost some weight. I know a lot of people feel that way. There is no contest that she had Best Pop Vocal. I’m glad her performance was flawless because she had vocal problems earlier and I’m thinking the worst.

I like Adele; she’s not a total slut like all of the other female musicians and would be the perfect singer on that stupid show the Voice with Christina Aguilera. My question is can you tell how hot someone is by their voice. It’s funny that Adele has an English accent but you can’t tell when she is singing. And as soon as she speaks she sounds like Mary Poppins.

However I think Lady Gaga deserved Album of the year. She had so many hit songs. And I think Katie Perry should have won Best Pop Solo Performance with her song fireworks because it’s catchy as Hell, it’s inspirational and she’s totally hot.

Rihanna has to be the hottest one there, although I like her red hair better. Then the power goes off and wow am I laughing. At first I thought it was just the cable or some techno difficulty. But no it was all part of a plan so she can change into some other revealing clothes. Nice.

Normally I hate country music and how stupid their cowboy hats are. But I’m glad that Lady Antebellum won best country song about being a little drunk. I actually stood up and said “Yes! I am a little drunk! And I need you now.” Very good song. Then they had whoever sang that shitty song Like a Rhinestone Cowboy. I have no fucking clue who he is or what a rhinestone cowboy is or why he is in the show..

Taylor Swift played a real country song. For whatever reason she is holding onto a banjo as if she is actually playing it. She might as well play the triangle but at least she is singing.  I would have loved if Taylor Swift walked in on Kanye West’s award speech and tell him that Otis should have won. But Kanye was too busy or something. How could you miss music’s most important night especially when your song wins?

What the fuck was with the whole exorcism song by Nicki Minaj. That was so offensive in so many ways. Honestly who the Hell is behind this horrible song and dance routine? I haven’t seen an attack on religion since Sinead Connor ripped a picture of the Pope and said this is the enemy.

I missed bits and pieces. I was either away for a snack or grabbing another beer but I see Whitney there and I’m wondering if it was all a huge hoax or did she rise from the dead? So they had a tribute to her and other musicians that died of drug overdoses like Amy Whitehouse. Too bad they didn’t have enough time for a better tribute for poor Whitney. But when you are only 48 yrs old it’s not just heart failure.

For the most part the performances were great. I have been listening to a lot of techno lately and that Dead Mouse sounds wicked. I should download some of his music. I have also have been listening to a band Sense Fail a lot. The final act with Paul McCarthy rocked big time. I loved it when he other rock gods played each other’s songs and rifts. And now I’m going to go pass out.