Sickle and Greg

Greg Gives This Blog Three Thumbs Up!

Have you ever notice how movie reviewers review movies for movie reviewers. They go way too much in character development and hidden meanings and use lingo and big words, well for me, without really saying how good the movie is.

First off they use a shitty marking system. Take Ebert and replacement Sickle. By the way how did the fat guy outlive him? Its either two thumbs up, one thumb up or two thumbs down.

So basically it’s either good or bad or okay. But one thumb up and one thumb down makes no sense. They have to decide first off who will pick one thumb up and who will pick one thumb it down. And they still contradict each other making their rating useless. And you never see a movie that got one thumb down. That would be funny to do on purpose. Even four stars are a bit too simple. I recommend at least 10.0 points.

They don’t even say who the movie is intended for. They just lump films together. For example they will give a movie like the English Patient four stars despite the fact is unwatchable for kids and then give Half Baked one star whiles its one of my favorite movies.

I don’t know if the IMDB felt obligated to credit to black and white films or if they actually liked them. They’d choose movies like Charlie Chaplin and Singing in the Rain which at most could bring me a smile. I think I laughed more at unintentional stuff like seeing a fat guy eat a cake or how fruity someone is.

And then the Internet Movie Database tries to mess with you by giving WALL E 8.5. Yes Wall-E gets an 8.5.  When it’s completely stupid and unwatchable. Even a child would call it retarded. Trust me, it’s really awful. And this is coming from a person who loves the movie Babe. Ha-ha Babe, a talking pig who thinks he is a sheep-dog. Spoiler alert! They eat Babe at the end of the movie.

I really have a problem how people define what is tasteful and intelligent and what isn’t. It’s easy to say that things in the past or “their time” were more civilized. Take a look at movie reviewers’ top list. They always praise those sensitive and dialog rich movies and dismiss anything slightly immature or with a little flavor.

Look at South Park. People like my friend Stics think it’s dumb because of its fart jokes and overlook anything else. Sure some of the earlier ones were out there, but I think this has got to be one of the funniest and smartest shows ever. If you pay attention, they pretty much parody anything and I agree on most of their moral lessons. And if humor is a sign of intelligence, the writers could one day take over the world. I mean what is smart TV? Frasier or 60 Minutes?

I love comedies because I love to laugh and I can watch them multiple times. I personally feel that nothing before 1980 can be considered really funny. I mean even in the 80s the funniest movies were like Caddie Shack and Police Academy. And I’m being opened minded. I enjoyed some older movies like Citizen Kane or Hitchcock (ha cock) in film class but I thought others were fucking retarded or boring like Wizard of Oz or Casablanca.

The end to Casablanca would’ve been better if he said “Frankly Charlotte, I don’t give a flying fuck! Bitch!” And look at the Academy Awards; have you seen the English Patient? I was just like Elaine from Seinfeld: “fucking die already!”

At the same time I love some movies like Memento or the Six Sense the first and second time around but I couldn’t watch them again. For example my friends were watching the Sixth Sense and I got there after Willis was shot so I had no fucking clue, spoiler alert, he was a ghost. So it blew my mind and then I watched it again to put the pieces together.

I hate Westerns even though my dad loves them. It’s the same thing every time, all they do is draw their guns at high noon and shoot at each other and kill some ingins. And I hate chick flick romances like Chocolat. Hmm, or at least I would have you believe. I actually got a boner watching Moulin Rouge.

I know Star Wars isn’t critics’ cup of tea but shouldn’t they at least have received best score or cinematography. I mean can anyone even think of who won that year. My problem is that people have already made their mind of the film before they have seen it, and that’s why Pearl Harbor is one of my favorite movies.

And well I’m discussing it; you know how every year things get more obscene, sexier and/or violent. When do you think we are going to reach our peak? Personally I think we have reached it. I mean there’s no way our children will look at the Simpson like how think about our parents shows. If anything they’ll love it.

Except the last couple of years, the Simpsons are getting really desperate on jokes and plots. Such as another one where Moe is going out with another chick that overlooks his ugliness for his gentle soul but he still fucks it up in the end.

Having a show about a midget cross dressing crackhead that fights crime and rapes animals is about as bad as you can get. And this is why I think our sitcoms are dying and being replaced with reality TV. I can barely watch a whole sitcom episode except the classics like Seinfeld and News Radio. Look at the pilots, we have home designer single gay parent, with sassy black Mexican neighbor and WHOPPI. Whoopee!

Anyway I’m going to curl up; drink some wine, eat some jujubes and watch Snow Dogs Four: The Next Litter and Snow Dogs Five: The Return of the Wolf. I gave Snow Dogs Three: The Voyage Home four paws up! Ha-ha four paws up; I’m hilarious.