Smoking

Camel Toe Cigarettes

Of all the wild and crazy things I have ever done, I’ve never tried smoking. Cigarettes I mean. It’s the only substance I could really see myself becoming addicted to. I’m already hooked on coffee and Big Macs. And Big Macs are draining my allowance. That’s right; I get a weekly allowance of $50 plus beer.

But I don’t have an addictive personality. I love drinking beer but after two nights of heavy drinking that last thing I want to do is get drunk again. And I love weed but I don’t need it to make me feel good or to help me fall sleep. I mean each year me and my family go to Florida for a month and I don’t even miss it.

I’m not saying that an addiction is necessarily a bad thing. It could be good. For example I’m addicted to jogging, watching A&E and playing video games such as Zelda. As a kid I also used to be addicted things like playing cards such Over Power.

My brother smokes. He warned me not to try, but I’m sure I wouldn’t anyway. It’s perfectly fine if you are old and have been smoking your whole life. Go nuts. My question is why people in this day and age begin smoking. Everyone knows it’s addictive and harmful. I have heard that it can be as addictive as heroin.

And you know it’s a not a good thing when so many people are trying desperately to quit. By the way I have never met any potheads trying to quit pot. “I off the weed man, it’s been two days and I’m jonesing. I feel so very cold and I lost so much weight.”

I guess it all comes down to peer pressure and curiosity. I know everyone at Alexander Mackenzie, the high school for retarded people, smokes because it’s cool and the whole school smokes. That’s their social life. I have even see them smoking in the rain and when its freezing outside. Haha.

There are a lot of smokers at my poker league. It’s kind of sad that every ten or fifteen minutes they need to go outside and take another puff. Its really annoying because it’s their deal and we have to deal for them or wait till they get back.

I was at the casino where people are addicted to both slut machines, I mean slot machines, and nicotine. By the way why do people play slots when they know they’re just going to lose money in the long run? I guess there is the whole mentality that “I will win the jackpot because I’m special.”

I have seen people wearing nicotine patches so they don’t have to leave their slot machine. I have even seen people playing two slot machines at once, so you know it doubles their chances. Too bad it’s not like Super Mario 2 where you can stop it when you want. I would be a millionaire.

I assume by now people have heard of the dangers. Some stupid advertisement isn’t going to work. “What this? Smoking causes lung cancer? Holy shit! I thought it helps your lungs by making you cough. Well that’s it for me. I guess I will have to chew tobacco from now on.”

Sure its cool when you’re young because you’re young and you don’t think of the long term consequences. But you don’t want to become some chain smoker that has cancer and now a robotic voice. Back in my days at Wal-Mart I had to mix paint with a robot and we were both getting frustrated because I could hardly understand him.

I have even seen on occasion pregnant women smoking. That makes me sick, it so fucking horrible. I can’t believe you put your addiction over the health of your unborn child.

To be fair it must suck when you have to smoke like twenty feet away from the entrance. At least give them shelter or something. Back when I was in college all of the smokers would smoke at the entrance of my dorm. But for whatever dumb reason there was no ash tray and so everyone would just throw their butts on the ground. So every day the janitor had to clean it up. I have even seen this one broke dude that would collect butts and then smoke them. Haha, loser.

I don’t even know what brands there are. For one thing at the Kiwki Mart they hide the cigarette packages. I don’t know how you would choose one or try a different brand if you can’t even see them? I don’t know the logic behind this is. Is it like how in beer commercials they can’t show people drinking beer? Okay I admit when I see a pizza commercial I feel like pizza. But people are holding onto a cigarette or a beer won’t work for me.

So from what I have seen from Maxim and other men’s magazines is there are Kool cigarettes. What is this like, Camel Joe? Are they aiming at a younger audience because it’s cool? “Ah cool! There are Kool cigarettes. They must be cool.” Why not just make Radical or Epic cigarettes. And I don’t know how much smokes costs.  There are better things in life I would like to spend my money on. Like slurpees or icecream cones.