Fucking Crazy Toons

Looney Toons was groundbreaking. Back in the day the word looney would be like the phrase fucking crazy toons for today. The only other classic cartoons I liked were Mickey Mouse and the gang. There others were stupid and not funny at all. I could watch them stoned and not crack a smile. I mean I laugh at green fire hydrants when I’m stoned. Ha green.

Beep beep. The lovable Road Runner is my favorite character. I always wonder where he is going all of the time. Where is this place? The Grand Canyon? I didn’t realize these birds used roads. I mean you would think it get smoked by a car. On the news a mother with her three children have hit the Road Runner. They children are instantly killed and the mother is in critical condition. The road runner is paralyzed from the neck down and will never run again. The police have put up road runner crossing signs, but they keep getting stolen by teenagers. Meanwhile with the Runner half dead, Wile E Coyote doesn’t know what to do now. He tried to suffocate the Runner in the hospital with an Acne pillow but fell out the window into a gorge. He’s writing his memoirs.

Where does he buy his inventions from Acne? They never work. Look I want to return this bear trap. I didn’t go off when that damn bird took the bait. But when I stepped on it took my fucking foot off.  How about getting a microwave and some microwave chicken. I mean everyone knows that road runner tastes just like chicken. Or a sniper rifle. Or even better a fucking nuke that would kill any road runner within a ten km radius. I don’t even think he has life insurance. You fall off the cliff every damn week, more than once. His medical bills must have racked up 10 million dollars. He should move to Canada where we have free medicare

Drugs Bunny is the main character. Two of his mortal enemies are Sam the Tennessee redneck and the wetard Elmer Fudd. Bugs is a complete cross dresser. Let say he disguise himself as a hot chick for Sam. I hope he gets the rabbit to his place to make sweet love. Then he finds out Bugs has a wig and a penis. That’s bad for both of them. Then there is Elmer Fudd who looks just like Porky Pig wearing camouflage. It’s be cool if he was after Bug’s lady friend. Wun wun bitch. And blows away her head. And you should hear him laugh when he’s stoned. Huh hu hu this is some good weed.

I hate Tweety Bird and that kangaroo. I always wished Sylvester would finally eat him or her. He would just swallow her whole and let his stomach acid eat her away. Maybe if Granny wasn’t so senile she’d feed the cat. And he wouldn’t have to starve or plot his next stupid scheme. I thought I saw a poison dart? I did see a poison dart …. And give him some catnip, he’s strung out. Then there is the guard dog who tries to kill him. But nothing is wrong with that. Sylvester the genius always think that kangaroo is a fucking mouse. And whatever his name is, kicks the shit out him and all Sylvester sees are tweety birds. And tries to eat them.

Porky is the incoherent pig. I never liked him. Imagine how hard it would be for a waiter to take his order. I..I.. wanntt want;. the ss.soup. He could be the smartest person but could never play jeopardy. Get speech lessons. He’s worst than an autistic dyslexic baby. To to to today junior.

Pepe is the French skunk stalker. He’s French because he doesn’t shower and stinks. He always tries to rape the poor cat. I heard she got restraining orders against him. I don’t know why he can’t tell the difference between a fellow skunk and a black cat. Maybe try using Axe deodorant and buy her catnip.

Daffy duck is the duck that looks like a priest. He’s got this horrible lisp. Suffering fucking succotash! Funny, Donald Duck is a fellow duck with speech impairment. Coincidence. How can he can’t even order pizza. Of course Elmer never goes after him.

Other characters include Taz, Speedy Gonzales and Marvin the Martian. Taz is the Tasmanian devil. He’s all fucked up on coke. He turns into tornados and destroys virtually anything in his path. And he eats like a champ and can eat more than Elephant with the munchies. Speeding Gonzales is the racist mouse that faster than even the Road Runner. Marvin the Martian is the alien that looks like some Roman guard. This is completely ridiculous. How would he breathe? He always tries to destroy the earth with his ray gun. But we love him. He isn’t even on the Ten Most Wanted list. Why does he want to destroy us. I don’t know.

That’s all fuckers.