All Dogs Go to Heaven

First off if this is for atheist only. I’m dead serious; I don’t want to piss off any religious people or get them down. So please, please don’t read this. I’m totally serious. Spoiler!

I mean the last thing I want them to learn that there isn’t a God and life can be pretty meaningless how you look at it. Again I could go on about writing about religion or Heaven forever and that’s why I’m thinking of writing a book I call Blind Faith. But here are a few random points of mine about life and death.

I believe that the billions of complex nerve cells in the brain form intricate connections and thus form a mind. Judging how you look at it the person might be chosen to live a happy life or feel trapped and live a shitty life. Life isn’t fair and you don’t decide on existing. And once those nerves stopped firing the person is dead. But you either had a good life or at least it’s finally over.

I think the idea of an afterlife to be wishful thinking. You would think it would be somewhere in the bible to describe Heaven, but there isn’t. All I know is it’s this wonderful place, which may or not may be in the clouds, where you live for eternity. And evil people burn in Hell, which may or not may be in the center of Earth, for eternity! Yes eternity! But God still loves you. And apparently Jesus didn’t die for those people’s sins. I could go on forever but I will stop now.

I always wonder what are the qualifications of entering Heaven. I mean can you get into there by a tread? I mean what happens if little Timmy would get into Heaven except he stole a chocolate bar and went from entering paradise to burning in Hell. For eternity! What if someone died before they had a chance to repent, change their ways and lead a good life?

I love evolution because it fucks with religious people’s beliefs. The thing is at what point is an animal an ape and at what point is an animal a human. Look, an ape didn’t give birth to the first human. It was a long gradual process. So at what point does an animal enter Heaven? I mean does your dog go to doggy Heaven where there are mountains of bones and endless fire hydrants to piss on? Because I don’t think ants go to ant Heaven. I also wonder if a dead fetus goes to Heaven before it even lived long enough to have a basic personality.

I think everyone would have a separate Heaven. I mean what happens if your mortal enemy is in there too? “Dammit not Mike, he’s an asshole!” I would write more but again I don’t want to piss off religious people who think they will see their grandparents and have them show you around the place. And how old are our grandparents anyway? Would they be as old as when they died or would they be in their prime?

My big question is how does the physics work there in Heaven? I mean do we see light waves or what. There must be some way we see. What are we made of? We have to be made of something don’t we? Like molecules or how about soul molecules. What about food? I mean we love to eat. Do we eat food and get fat or is this magical food where you can eat as much Big Macs as you want and stay thin. How do our minds work? Again are they made by nerve cells or what?

I mean why even have the thing we call life and why not just have Heaven? The more I think about it, the idea of Heaven must be very similar to life on Earth. Sure the world is not perfect but on the whole it’s a wonderful place where we should make the best of it.

And finally what would we do all day for eternity anyway? I think we would all get a bit tired of watching Snow Dogs for the billionth time no matter how much Snow Dogs kicks some serious ass.