Astrology

Today’s horoscope is that you will be hit by a bus and go into a deep coma.

Astrology is complete bullshit. I don’t know why people still believe in this nonsense? I mean do people actually take this seriously? I always hear bullshit like Gemini and Cancer make good couples. I hope people read horoscopes just for fun and not make important life choices because their horoscope said to.

Being born on a certain day of the year has absolutely nothing to do about a person. Period. Let’s say some mother is having a baby and depending on how long it takes to give birth could affect her baby’s sign. “Come on push. If you have your child right now he will be a Gemini. Op, he’s Cancer instead. They’re known to be kind and good leaders.”

Haha Cancer. Do you ever hear people say “I have cancer”? “Sorry to hear you have cancer. Are you taking chemotherapy?” “No, cancer is my sign.” “Haha, good to hear. I hear people with cancer are very helpful and patient.”

Here’s just some random info I have heard. Apparently it’s not a good idea to use midwives to help with giving birth. I have heard of many birth complications. You should stick with the nurses and doctors because they know what they’re doing. “Thanks for the advice Greg. You must be a Gemini for sure.” Back to astrology.

So I’m a Gemini because my birthday is between May 21 to June 21. I don’t know who made this up? I think it would be much easier to just to make your zodiac sign each month instead. So I looked up Gemini and the description took forever and it could describe anyone on the planet. 

And the astrologist give the most ambiguous and long horoscopes. If you give a long enough horoscope some of the things will surely happen and people will disregard all of the things that didn’t happen. The horoscopes are always positive and if they are negative they put a positive spin on it.

I’m wondering who exactly makes these horoscopes. If astrology is true, all of the daily horoscopes would be the exact same. And I’m sure the astrologist reuse older horoscopes too.

So here’s my horoscope for today:

It will be an unusual day with many surprises, especially where it comes to friends, companions and neighbors. You may have an opportunity to make a huge impact on your neighborhood or community with the help of those you are closest to.

I don’t even know what the fuck that’s supposed to mean? Unusual day? Many surprises? I guarantee nothing surprising will happen for me today. I will most likely drink some beers and watch season one of Smallville that I bought the other day. I probably won’t hang out with my friends nor make a huge impact on my neighbors with the help of those closest.

But I checked another horoscope webpage. If they were true it would have the same horoscope. But it gave an entirely different horoscope:

You feel the desire to make several minor, but significant, adjustments in your work. For example, if you are engaged in a business activity, you may discontinue some advertising, use new sources for various services that you use, assign new tasks to employees, change advertising to appeal to a new market, make changes in the product line, etc.

Um, I don’t have a job. The only work I have is cutting the grass and washing the dishes. I don’t think everyone who was born on a certain date will have the exact same day. That’s just plain stupid.

And I have no clue how the moon phases affect people, unless you’re a werewolf.