The Most Incredibly Random Drunken Blog Ever! (Or the Atheist Blog)

First off I warn you how fucking random this is. By the way I later changed the name to the Most Incredibly Random Drunken Blog Ever afterwards because of how random it is. It’s kind of stupid but hey I’m drunk.

I know what you’re thinking, another blog about how Greg doesn’t believe in God. It’s just that I find the subject of religion fascinating and it’s where I get most of my material.      

I’m an exclusive beer drinker.  Normally I think getting drunk is something you do with your friends where you can get stupid and have a good time. Its’ all about the journey of drinking and getting progressively drunker.

That’s why I don’t drink liquor. I don’t like the taste and I find that I drink too fast and get sick. I might do shots with my friends just because we're doing shots. But have you been around someone who is the only one who is hammered? Their obnoxious.

In fact normally I don’t like being drunk alone. It’s stupid and boring when you have nobody to talk to. And that’s why I’m writing this random blog. I rather smoke weed because I like being high better than being drunk.

It’s just that I enjoy sipping beer and eating popcorn while watching a movie or T.V. And my mom was supposedly looking for something and found my favorite pipe and stash and threw it out. Science dammit!

Probably the only time I go out to the bar now is on Wednesday for cheap wings. I mainly do that to bring my dad some wings home and to just to get out of the house every once in a while. Sometimes my friends show up, sometimes I just talk to random people. Today I had nobody really to talk to and I had to watch the baseball game instead of World Cup.

And now I’m about to write about World Cup. This is an example of how fucking random I am, especially when I’m drunk. I have a huge problem of switching subjects when I get bored with one. My friends know this all too well.

Like we might be talking about some idiot from work and then I mention Sara Palin. And then I go on to talk about American Politics. And then I somehow get to talking about legalizing weed. That’s how my brain works. And yes I talk way too much about weed.

Back to soccer. First off who was the idiot that called American football football? It doesn’t make any sense. Football has nothing to do with feet except for the punter. I don’t know my history but I’m pretty sure soccer was invented before football and the people who called football football could have come up with a more sensible name like tackleball, handball or Americanball.

And soccer is without a doubt the most popular sport in the world. Except here in North America. And this except for non multi-cultural people living in North America. I love playing and watching soccer. I’ll admit I like hockey more but it’s still my second favorite sport. My friends on the other hand hate soccer but love baseball.

I mean look at other sports like baseball. Again I realize how random this is. I’ll get to my atheist blog eventually. Unless you’re drinking and eating hotdogs it so fucking boring. For one thing you hardly get any action or playtime.

For the infield players (I don’t know what you call it) the pitcher gets to play the most. And it takes forever when he throws the ball or if some idiot wants to steal a base. They should just get rid of that. And the rest of the players might get to catch and throw the ball every once in a while.

The only fun part is to be at bat. But if your team sucks you might not get to the chance to hit it. Maybe what five times a game? It’s like the equivalent of playing hockey only one you have one player on the ice at a time. And it’s still lame and boring.

So I had some of my dad’s corona while I was having a Transformer marathon and decided to keep on drinking. And now I’m drunk and bored. So I was looking up Youtube about stuff like the Amazing atheist. The guy is smart and hilarious. I also checked out Cult of Dusty and the Young Turks. So check them out.

By the way I love seeing pictures of the guys from Duck Dynasty before they created the show. They were all clean shaved yuppies. Just look it up.

And now I’m writing yet another atheist blog for atheist only. And I mean that, last time I mentioned atheism my friend got really, really pissed off with me. Anyway I say this all of the time but I’m not that bright. For example I have no memory. When I meet people its like my brain doesn’t register it. Its as if I never heard their name. So now I have to recite in my head like a dozen times.

I also know what message I want to convey, but it doesn’t come out right. I can’t even think of common words. Like antler. I can’t spell either and have to rely on spell-check all of the time. I’m probably too stupid to work at McDonalds and use the frosty machine. I might be the loser that gets to wash the bathrooms.

One of the meanest things my friend said was when we were drunk and swimming in his pool. We wanted to see how long he could stay underwater. I’ll give him credit he was under for a while. And when he got up he said “I feel like Greg now.” Ouch. But I still have some talents. For example I kicked ass in psychology and philosophy in college.

And I think I'm smarter than people in one sense about religion. I think there is definitely a correlation between intelligence and atheism. Like how most scientist don’t believe in God. And I’m thinking of writing a blog about how stupid Americans are. I know when you see people on Youtube like a survey or questionnaire or something they only show stupid people. I really want to know what percentage of stupid people that is.

I’ve been looking at statics and I’m thinking like there is no fucking way that there are so many retarded people. Like how many people believe that nine eleven was a conspiracy or how like 46% of Americans believe the world is 5000 years old.

I mean I see idiots who couldn’t think of a country that starts with the letter “U”. Can people really be that dumb? I guess it’s because they aren’t challenged to use their brains at all. Seriously they might work at some boring meaningless job like at an icecream store and spend the rest of their time in front of the idiot box.

Back to religion. I never understood circumcision. I’m definitely against it. I don’t think we should be mutilating our children. I think there is a reason for foreskin. It’s not like having your tonsils removed. And there is no real health reason to get it removed.

Have you seen what they use? It looks like something from medieval times. I mean a baby’s penis so small that you could royally fuck it up. I think we should wait until someone is old enough to decide for themselves. And the penis is big enough to do a good clean job. I’ll admit I probably would get circumcised anyway because uncircumcised dicks look weird and stupid.

So I have been looking up stuff on Youtube about atheists and why Christians hate us. Sometimes I think it’s hilarious, sometimes I think it’s pretty sad and pathetic. It boggles the mind how people believe in all of this nonsense. Like again how the world is only 5000 years old or that we coexisted with dinosaurs.

This is my theory of why people believe in God and Heaven. Because it sounds good. That’s it. I mean I would want to go to Heaven and fly around and do whatever you do there for eternity. But it doesn’t make sense at all. Does Heaven follow any scientific laws? Like light or gravity or time?

It’s like believing in a new diet where you can eat as much icecream as you want and lose weight. That sounds fantastic. I would believe in it too. But I’m not foolish. I have enough sensibility that icecream won’t help you lose weight. I don’t have faith in such a diet.

Faith isn’t always a good thing. Faith is believing in something without really thinking about it. I think people are afraid of actually using their minds and realizing there is no icecream weight loss diet or Heaven.

Imagine there is an old bridge that’s about to fall apart. Saying I have faith in the bridge is a dangerous thing. It could collapse at any moment. Christians are stubborn. They don’t want to hear anything that might ruin their high that they will be going to Heaven. They almost shut it out. You know what, life isn’t fair. Sometimes life is an ordeal to get through by.

You have all of these believers that want their cake and eat it too. They believe in all of this religious stuff but they have never actually read the bible. I’ve heard a study and found out that atheist knew more about religions than actually believers. I’m not saying that all studies are correct but it sounds true.

I assume they just think they already know the bible or they are just too lazy.  You’d think it would be important. I myself have tried to several times but I don’t like reading and got bored each time. There is so much useless shit in there. They should make a condensed version or Bible for dummies or Coles notes.

Religion is powerful force. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s evil. I think it’s great that the average North American thinks that God is watching over them and they get to go to Heaven. It really is opium for the masses. Your life might suck but be good and you will go to this magical place in the clouds forever where everything is nice and dandy.

I myself am content enough to know there is no gold at the end of the rainbow and that I should just enjoy life as much as I can while I exist.

But it can get people to do crazy things. Like thinking blowing yourself up is such a great idea. How fucked up is that? And they think they will get 72 virgins in Allah Heaven. Of course once you fuck all of them they won’t be virgins anymore and might you might be left with hundreds of kids to take care of. If you can have kids in Heaven. I don’t know how it works in there.

I realize getting rid of religion won’t end all of the wars and fighting in the world. But it there will significantly less of this bullshit in the Middle East with all of this fighting over such nonsense.

And I don’t think reading the bible makes you a better person. Like how George W. Bush says he reads the bible. I already wrote a blog about him but I absolutely hate that fucker. I wish he gets cancer or something horrible. He is proud when he called himself a “war president.”

Ya the Iraq War was such a great idea. It has done so much good. He never gave a shit about Iraq. Do you really think his only intention was to liberate Iraq? Hey Bush there is fighting all over Africa too. But I guess there’s no oil or money there.

He doesn’t give a shit about their citizens and soldiers. I’m sure it doesn’t bother him the least when some little girl loses her legs from one of his bombs. He wanted Sadam and he wanted the oil. He doesn’t even give a shit about his own soldiers. Their just pawns to him. He even wanted to make cutbacks to veteran hospitals. That’s sick. That’s evil.

The more I know about the bible, the more I’m persuading that it’s all bullshit.  For example there is slavery.  God actually promotes it. Like how slaves should obey their masters; even the cruel ones. Or how if a woman is raped she must marry her rapists. It’s in there too. Just look it up. Its Deuteronomy 22.

I love this show called the Atheist Experience that I found on Youtube. They just school the shit out of all of these Christians.  In fact the host Matt Dillahunty was a priest of some sort so he knows his shit. But he became an atheist because pretty much he knows his shit.

I like how the bible says the Lord is our shepherd. I thought that when you call people sheep that they are mindless drones that don’t think for themselves and follow some leader aimlessly. Wait maybe that is right. I also thought that shepherds milk and shave their sheep or even eat them. I wouldn’t call the Lord is my farmer or cowboy.

I like how people find signs of the Lord in the most pedestrian of things. Like how some stupid old lady found a cross or something dumb in her fish crackers. Do you really think the Lord is communicating to you through random food? “I am the most powerful being, but I will create a cookie with some obscure marking that looks kind of like the Virgin Mary on it.”

I also like how people used to live for hundreds of years. Then God decided to take away this and let us live to a maximum of 120 years. What an arbitrary number. I guarantee that some people will eventually live past that. But I’m sure it wouldn’t matter to them anyway. They’ll just change it to suit their needs.

Creationism is so fucking stupid. There I said it. Religious people are always like well who created the Universe? It couldn’t happen out of nothing. It couldn’t be the Big Bang. Something had to create the Universe. Everything must be created.

So they say God created the Universe. Do they realize how stupid that logic is? Here’s the obvious question, who created God then? God didn’t come out of nothing. Hmm, ponder that for a second. And that’s their answer to everything. Well God did it. Or the Devil did it.

I wrote about this before but I believe in Occam’s razor which means the simplest answer is usually the correct one. The Big Bang makes sense. Believing that this God created the universe leaves so many more questions unanswered.

And I don’t like people praying to God. Let’s say your aunt has cancer. I don’t think God is going to kill her unless we nicely ask him not to. I mean why did he let her have cancer in the first place? And when she dies, oh well I guess it was meant to be.

It’s the equivalent of asking your teacher for a better grade. I don’t think just asking her will make it her change her mind. “God will you please cure my friend of Aids. After all you can do anything.” “Okay. You just had to ask my child.”

This is why religion is dangerous. We have health science and doctors to help heal and assist cancer patients with radiation therapy and other such proven methods. Leaving it up to God is going to do fuck all. Maybe a placebo effect at the most.

Why is there all of this secrecy? Why doesn’t God just answer back and talk to you. He obviously has the power to. I mean, He’s God. If He talked to me I’d believe in him too.

“Greg, it’s Me, God, your creator. Um, I’m real. I want you to go to church and worship Me every Sunday. I know you love the song Sing to the Mountains. And we have donuts afterwards. I don’t like you buying bubble gum on Sunday because I rested on that day. You got the rest of the week to go shopping for Me sakes. However I’ll let you eat hotdogs on Friday. Technically its not real meat. Like fish.”

Look the whole God created the Universe in six days is absolute bullshit. People back then didn’t know that there are billions of stars and planets out there in this massive universe. I think it would take longer than one day to create them all while it took like two days to create animals and people. So that’s why I don’t give a shit if I buy Pokemon X for my 3DS XL on Sunday or eat at McDonalds on Friday. Which I am about to do.

The bible is so immoral and fucked up.  You know what really pisses me off is when God asks Abraham to kill his own son. What kind of sick God would test him like that? If I was a father I would love my son more than to obey my own God and master to not kill him and go to Hell or take whatever punishment God would do to you.

By the way wasn’t there a commandment though shall not kill? Either way you’re sinning. Oh wait that was long after Abraham. My bad. If someone did that today we’d call them insane and send them to prison for life.

And now that I got this off my chest, I’m going to sleep. Just before I pray to God to put Seinfeld back on the air. Science bless you.