Top Ten Best Jobs

I’ve already wrote a funny blog about the top ten worst jobs a long time ago. And since I’m getting low on ideas I decided to write about what I think are the top ten best jobs.

First off, my friends are always wondering, or even complaining, that why I don’t have a job. And I tell them I’m doing what I call a reverse retirement. Which means I will spend my retirement years while I’m relatively young and get a job when I’m 50 years old.

But it would be nice to have more money. Right now I get $50 allowance that I mostly spend on beer and food. If I had more money I’d probably eat even more junk food. And I would love to buy more video games or hit the casino and play some Texas holdem.

Sometimes I wonder why we even work as much as we do. I mean I would love to live at the beach like in the movie um the Beach. All you do is fish, grow food, plant weed, play sports, build huts and do whatever else you need to do. And you wouldn’t have to get up a seven in the morning.

I went insane being a cashier at Wal-Mart. It was so boring and monotonous. Spending half of my awake time standing there all day and punching in numbers. At least when I worked at the painting and hardware department I could walk around and talk.

I would actually want a job that I enjoyed over a job that paid more. Delivering pizza was so much fun just driving around, listening to the radio and eating free pizza. But I was providing my own car and gas and was making less than minimum wage.

So I was fantasizing what my dream jobs would be. So here are what I think are the top ten best jobs to have:

(10) Gym Teacher

Now you’re probably thinking “gym teacher? They don’t make that much.” Sure enough but it would be so much fun. I miss high school and it would be like you’re back in it. Phys-ed is a joke of a subject. You learn different parts of the body and muscle groups. And that’s pretty much it. The rest of the time you get to play basketball and volleyball and whatever sports you want. I’d play a shitload of dodgeball because dodgeball fucking rules!

(9) Webpage Writer that Actually Gets Paid

Writing this blogpage keeps me busy. At first I just wanted to get some things off my chest. Like how there is no such thing as aliens (or at least near our solar system) or ghosts. Or how silly or ridiculous religion is. Or how they should legalize marijuana already.

But after writing over 370 blogs I’m getting low on ideas. And I do this all for free. Imagine I could get paid for doing this? Like if I could include advertisements or something. I don’t know how much I’d get but any amount is good. Like $20 a week or something.

I pretty much already have written them. So I would start off with maybe thirty blogs to get things going and then post a new one every Thursday. The problem is that I’d need to make a real webpage and then I’d have to get the word out on the street and get some more fans. I’m sure once Norton okays it, more people would visit.

(8) Critic

I love videogames and movies. And I think I have good taste in them. I would love to be a movie critic for the younger generation. For example Zoolander is one of my favorite movies and yet has got a 6.6 rating at IMDB. And then they gave “Some Like it Hot” the greatest comedy. I’m sure it’s fucking hilarious. And I know my videogames.

(7) Artist

I have always loved drawing and painting. It’s just that I’m not that good at it. When I dropped out of art-class in college my teacher said my pictures were sketchy. But imagine being a non-hungry artist where you do whatever you feel like and draw and paint all day. It’s one of those few careers where smoking weed actually helps. And you could travel all over the world and paint nice sceneries and whatnot.

(6) Fast Food Franchise Owner

I love to eat. I’ve been imagining opening my own fast food joint I’d call Munchies. And I’d include all of the best menus and items from other fast food chains. For example I would sell fry truck fries, onion rings, chicken mcnuggets, hotdogs, milkshakes, veggie burgers, a thousand island burger and a mozzarella burger. And the slogan would be: who’s got the munchies?

(5) Psychiatrist

Like any real doctor, psychiatrists make a lot of money. And it’s not as stressful as being an MD. MDs have shift work so they could be up on ungodly hours. And they have to perform surgery or whatever. Psychiatrists listen to people’s problems, give sound advice and prescribe medicine. And at the same time they still save people’s lives.

(4) Video game designer

I remember in elementary school me and a friend would make our own HyperCard stacks and videogames. Mine were pretty decent. You walk around and run into monsters and you click on certain body parts to hit. For example you’d want to hit a cyclops in the eye.

So from I young age I always wanted to design video games. I’m pretty creative and have some ideas. I want to make my own real time strategy game, a nonlinear Zelda game where you can explore anywhere you want or even a futuristic MMORPG game where you fly spacecrafts everywhere, upgrade them or buy new ones and fight other players and spaceships.

(3) Movie Writer

I love movies and I have been seriously contemplating writing my own and then sending them to whoever produces them. I have a number of ideas but so far I’ve been concentrating on writing two comedies.

One I’d call Bad Trip. A movie about shrooms that you watch on shrooms. The main character has a bet that he can take three hits of acid and make it all the way home from the city with no cash. Then the other five friends take shrooms and have different trips, some crazy imagery and their own personal discoveries. 

The other movie I’d call Space Nuts which would basically be Space Balls 2 but include the whole Star Wars saga and other shows like Star Trek. I have been watching them and have many jokes and funny parts. The plot would be that Luke defeats the empire and saves Leia and knocks her up. But Luke finds out that she’s his sister and he must find the time travel device to go back in time to prevent it.

(2) Professional Golfer

I love golf. It’s one of those games where the better you area t it, the funner it is. And unlike pretty much every other sport, you don’t have to be in peak physical shape. Imagine being Tiger Woods, minus the affairs. You make millions in tournaments and even more off all of those endorsements.

(1) The President of the United States

The president has legalized marijuana.