PETA

PETA stands for the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.

I have done some research at Wiki and PETA’s site, so I’m trying not to plagiarize.

PETA: [Right now, millions of mice, rats, rabbits, primates, cats, dogs, and other animals are locked inside cold, barren cages in laboratories across the country. They languish in pain, ache with loneliness, and long to roam free and use their minds. Instead, all they can do is sit and wait in fear of the next terrifying and painful procedure that will be performed on them.]

Me: Boohoo. I’m sure they’re not lonely and I’m sure they can use their minds; whatever that means. If they are so damn cold then ask the evil scientist to turn up the heat. And how else will they contain animals other than in a cage. I’m sure my beloved gerbil Trip had a great time in a cage. I miss him so much. Like all of those times he was rolling in his plastic ball. Oh well.

I love animals. Well most of them. I like dogs, cats, lamas and hamsters. It pains me to see animals go extinct or when poachers kill animals for their tusks and body parts. I’m not too fussy with Canadian geese or vultures. I  would laugh to see vultures eating a dead vulture’s corpse. And geese are so damn annoying.

But I hate PETA with a passion. I like to call them “please eat thy ass.” All they are a gang of pussies trying to protect stupid animals. Look animals are not people. PETA members are extremist who spread propaganda and have never heard of the food chain.

They break the law in many ways such as raids at animal research sites. Here’s my biggest problem and reason why they make me sick. They don’t want any animal testing of any kind. Hey assholes, scientist need to perform on animals to conduct research such as curing diseases or testing medications. Who the fuck are they going to test on then? I mean do they rather have scientist perform on people?

There is the famous silver spring monkey case. PETA broke into the labs and shot some disturbing pictures of monkeys. Sure the monkey didn’t look too pleased. But you know what? They’re fucking monkeys. I much rather have some monkeys suffer for the greater good. To quote wiki: with this research scientist discovered neuroplasticity and a new therapy for stroke victims called constraint-induced movement therapy. Thank you scientist. I’ll bet there are not too many credited PETA scientists just like there aren’t too many religious astronomers.

It’s like they are against everything about animals and have coined the term speciesism. They are “against  animals as property, and opposes the use of animals in any form: as food, clothing, entertainment, or as research subjects.” I like to call them humanism. Did you know people are starving, live in a climate of war or don’t have internet or cable. Get your priorities straight, I much rather they help people instead of helping a stupid mouse.

One of their mottos is that “animals are not ours to eat, wear, experiment on, or use for entertainment.” This is a rather ambiguous statement. I have no clue what they mean by that. First off I love Big Macs and I’m not going to settle for Big Tofu Macs. Who cares if a cow gets slaughtered. I’m sure they’re too stupid to know what happens to them and have had a nice life grazing. And what about milk cows? Are we allowed to drink milk?  How else will I eat my Captain Crunch or Captain Crunch with Crunch Berries?

Who cares if we shave sheep for wool. We’re not hurting any sheep and the only reason they are alive is that we like to use wool for clothing. And what’s wrong to use animals in entertainment? Is it wrong for Eddie from Frasier to be on the show? We are not hurting the dog in any shape or form. Speaking of which I’m curious what PETA members feed their pet dogs. Because they need the protein and they won’t be very healthy eating rabbit feed and tofu kibbles and bits.

They’re against "fishing, the killing of animals regarded as pests, the keeping of chained backyard dogs, cock fighting, dog fighting and bull fighting.” First off cock fighting sounds hilarious. I mean do two guys go at it using their dicks? Okay cock fighting and dog fighting is terrible. But they are already banned. However I couldn’t give a shit about bull fighting. Feel sorry for the matador; he’s the one who is might get his ass kicked.

I don’t know what the big deal is keeping a dog chained in your backyard. Some aren’t indoor dogs and I’m sure the dog has enough room to move around and play. Would you rather let your dog out? And if PETA doesn’t want animals to live in cages, then fine let the animals loose into the wild and see how much better off their life will be.

Look PETA, I’m going to kill that mouse with a mouse trap. You can swing by my place, save the fucking mouse and let him free to live outside. And the mouse will probably come back into my basement. Here’s a question; what is a pest? Are we allowed to kill ants? I mean what constitutes an animal?

No fishing? That’s so fucking weak. Why not take away anything fun and wholesome. I’m sure some Newfi rather feed his family instead of not hurting any fish’s feelings. And I don’t know what’s wrong if you are going fishing and throwing them back. And fishes aren’t technically animals.

Anyway I’m hungry and I am heading to the bar. Its wing night and screw chickens. Editor’s note: I didn’t publish this blog until just now. You see I wrote most of this blog before I hit the bar and edited it again later. The wings were excellent but I wanted panda bits too.