Reincarnation

The Reincarnation of Me

The Wikipedia definition of reincarnation is the religious or philosophical concept that the soul or spirit, after biological death, begins a new life in a new body that may be human, animal or spiritual depending on the moral quality of the previous life's actions.

My definition of reincarnation is some stupid retarded belief that when some animal or a person kicks the bucket they become something else. Like Osama is now a slug that I just stepped on. And then becomes a house fly that I just swatted at.

So let me get this straight, little Timmy gets hit by a bus and is now a clam. And does it work in reverse?  Like did some ape turn into Oprah?  Or can you become someone else? I would hate to be some sea mammal like Rosy Odonnell.

I don’t understand a couple of things. First off do you remember what happened in past lives? I mean you would have to cumulate all of this experience, memories and knowledge. Or else it’s not really reincarnation now is it. And you would think by now somebody has died and then have been reincarnated as a human again. This way they can teach us about their life and history.

Reincarnation goes against any Christianity beliefs. My understanding of Christianity is that when a person dies their soul goes straight to Heaven, Hell or Purgatory. First off I don’t get Purgatory. But when someone dies they go straight to the afterlife and not become a stupid pigeon. Also if someone becomes an ant then all animals should have souls.

Do you just go animal hopping forever? I mean I would eventually get sick living from animal to animal. I wouldn’t want to be a chicken for the thousandth time. They can’t fly, they don’t look happy and they have to lay eggs all day and eat chicken feed.

And where did this all start? There had to be the first spirit and fresh new spirits beginning with single cell organisms. I mean if you can be an ant at one point in time there would be infinite spirits. So do spirits wait in the reincarnation line until there is a new body available. “Sweet I’m going to be the son to a multi millionaire.” “Screw you, I’m going to be a fucking cow again. Good thing their life expectancy is three years.”

If you could or had to be an animal, forever or temporarily, what would you be? My third choice we be I would be a parrot. I always wanted to fly around; I mean arms are so overrated. The drawback would be eating whatever crap parrots eat.

As a pet I would love messing around with people’s minds. I would have conversations with my owner. And he’d want to show others and make millions of having a super intellectual bird. But every time someone else is around or he tries to videotape me I say the usual “hello” or just whistle. Then when they leave I would call him a jackass.

My second choice would be a bunny. They’re so cute and they have sex all the time. I mean they don’t have to worry about STDs or condoms or normal boyfriend duties like seeing Chocolat. They just fuck. They have no bills to pay or paper work or whatever; they just have to eat carrots and whatnot and try to not to get killed . And I wouldn’t be stupid enough to get hit by a car; I’d use a crosswalk.

My first choice would be a pet cat. They have no worries in life and they pretty much do what ever they want to.  I’d get high off catnip and eat only the premium fish and meat. I would just sit around and watch TV all day. Wait that’s what I do right now. And I’d use the bathroom; no kitty litter for me. At night I’d prowl the streets and make sweet cat love or even better cat orgies with those lovely female cats. Meow.