Teachers

I think teachers have it good. Unless they don’t have jobs, like my cousin. And with stupid French immersion it is going to be even harder to find a job. You have summer and Christmas off and can just teach the same subject every year. And it sounds fun. Here are some of my rememberable teachers I had.

Everyone loved my grade five teacher Mr. Doyle. He taught in the morning and we had another teacher for the afternoon. He was a huge mathematician and would let us play Lego when we finished our work. Back then I was a math wiz and would be the first to play Lego. Now I can barely count change.

I thought our afternoon teacher was nice and smart. However everyone, except me, signed a patrician to fire her or something. Doyle lost it on us and I don’t know what ever happened to her. Being the only one who didn’t sign it, I should have told her I liked her and that she was a good teacher.

My favorite teacher has to be Mrs. Cantalini. She was my grade 7 teacher and also our drama club director. I guess I was one of the class clowns and goofy. So I played the part King Kenny Cool in a play, which is pretty close to KKK. Mrs. Cantalini was very nice and I think I got the best grades that year. She liked my book report on the Hobbit so much I did the same book report in Grade 9 and 10.

In grade 8 I finally had the infamous teacher Mrs. Delorme. I sat right in front of her podium and would get her spit on me all day. She had one big eye and was not good looking at all. Dale was her husband, who she would talk about, and she even said how great sex is. Ewww. And she had a 4.0 grade average.

I was elected class president and I pretty much attacked Stics’ character, who I was running against. We all knew she wanted Stics to win. And Machado ran too for whatever reason. I think he got one and a half votes. So I see her years later and she doesn’t recognize me. Or she just didn’t want to talk to me. Oh but she remembered Stics. She thought of grand things to happen for Stics and was disappointed when she found out where he works.

I love how teachers have totally different explanations on material, especially religion. For example Mrs. Delorme pretty much said that miracles can have an explanation. But they wouldn’t be miracles now would they. And every teacher supports a student’s dreams or aspirations even though they will most likely never succeed.

I had Mr. Sutherland twice. He was my grade six teacher and then was my high school teacher. My brother also hated him. What a fag. He had cube ball head and just plain weird. He would give creepy neck massages. And in grade six he made us do this whole project on dogs. Yes dogs. Ask any of my Hogan friends. If was fucking crazy and I don’t think it was part of the curriculum. I mean we should be learning math and science and not frigging dogs.

In high school there was Mr. Kheir who was even crazier. He was so old and I don’t think the faculty had the heart to let him go. I heard he put vodka in his coffee mug and would confiscate things. Funny story, my friend got like perfect in a geography test and Kheir thought he cheated because he got such a high mark. So he had to write it again in the library where if he cheated once he could cheat again.

There was a slew of ugly, ugly staff. Lunch ladies are always scary. My dad used to go out with one of the less ugly lunch ladies. Thank God they broke up. Our principal was Mrs. Goldar and she was fat and ugly. I heard she was married to a janitor. I had this healthy teacher for law. She would lactate like crazy, which was really gross. One of my female math teachers looked like a man. And I had a ogre of a teacher Mrs. Craig, but I really liked her.

My religion teacher Gouvereia had an affair with my business teacher Cicchelli’s wife. That’s hilarious; it’s like something from a soap opera. How can a religion teacher cheat on his girlfriend with another teacher’s wife? I guess it was because Gouvereia was just way, way better looking. It’s funny, Cicchelli is now on my hockey team and I guess things are going good.

I finally had Stics dad, Al for math. I think I slept all class with my head in my arms. I find it easier to just read the text book instead of taking notes and listening to lectures. The thing I like about math is that you are either right or wrong. I’m usually wrong. If he could teach fishing he would be the man.

Mr. Toulouse was my gym teacher and a complete idiot. I guess he was too stupid to teach any real subjects where you have to think. But it would be a fun to be paid to play sports all day. He would play badminton with Hane while everyone watched.  He had it against me for some unknown reason. He would be giving a lecture and then accuse me of talking, several times, and I never even said a word. Ask my friends. We used to see him all the time at the bar trying to pick up chicks just way too young for him.

Mr. Man was awesome. I knew him long before when I was young and he lived around the corner. And he was one of the judges for my science fair project. I mean my dad’s science fair project. He loved teaching and would joke with the students. I had him for religion, science and marketing. He would give me awesome marks just because he knew me. However he made the comment that one girl only shuts up when she has a dick in her mouth. Hahahahaha. He was fired and is now some useless computer guy. He has a beast of a wife, who was an English teacher. I think she resigned out of loyalty. Dick in her mouth, what an idiot.

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