Back in the day I loved action movies. Take any Schwarzenegger, Stallone or Jean Claude Van Damme movie for example. As I got older I slowly matured and preferred movies with more substance and story lines. Now I enjoy comedies, adventures and dramas but I can’t stand action movies.
There is a but. I like movies with action but not action movies. Take the Matrix. It has some of the best action scenes in any movie, but I would never classify it as an action movie. I consider it more of a science fiction movie. However I’m not sure how you would classify a James Bond movie. I guess Bond flicks are an exception.
Anyway I just saw the new Die Hard with my dad. He loved it. I thought it was stupid and made no sense. What a disappointment. We also saw the Expendables a while ago, and again stupid. Chuck Norris was in it for two seconds and I couldn’t understand a word Stallone was saying.
So here are my top ten things that bother me about action movies:
10. Someone from the inside
Like any cop action movie there are twists like the supposedly good chief of police that is actually crooked and working for the drug cartel. The line it must have been someone from the inside is used in so many movies. “Sorry pal but I rather be rich than live on cop’s salary.” “Dammit man I trusted you!” “You trusted yourself!”
9. No respect for civilians
It really bothers me when innocent people get killed by the good guys. They are very reckless. Take the whole car chase sequence that is in every action movie. In real life the cops use spikes and stop pursuing the vehicle if people are endangered. In Die Hard all of the drivers crash into like a thousand cars to get one man.
8. Getting injured
This happened all the time when the good guy gets shot or stabbed and should have died but he doesn’t. For instance the cop might be like, oh the knife is only stuck in my heart and the bullet is only lodged in my head. “You’re shot and bleeding.” “I’ll walk it off.” “No we need to get you to a hospital.” “No time. The world needs me!”
7. Walking away from an explosion
The scene where there is a huge explosion and the guy isn’t even looking at it as he walks away has become cliché. I mean I would record that shit and put it on Youtube. It’s like when someone bowls and then turns away and not even look at how many pins they knocked over. I’ve seen this before a couple of times.
6. Jumping out of the way of an explosion
Then there is a huge explosion where they guy dives clear out of the way of harm. Hmm. How far can someone dive that it makes a difference. I can jump maybe five feet and those five feet isn’t going to make a licking difference. Unless you jump behind or down something.
5. Millions of soldiers get killed
It pisses me off when the good guy kills hundreds of police or whoever that are just doing their job. In the Expendables they literally shoot like a hundred soldiers who can’t even shoot straight. It’s like they had the same stuntman get shot and then does a fabulous dive.
4. Weak script
I never seen the movie I Robot and I never will because the plot sounds stupid. In 2001 Space Odyssey they already did the whole robot that becomes self aware and conscience, that ends up killing the humans. I already know what’s going to happen in I Robot because I have listened Mr. Roboto by Styx .
3. Unnecessary deaths
Many movies have that one funny guy that everyone loves, that dies for no reason. Take Top Gun. Why does Goose have to die? What a buzz kill. Hey listen, kill off the guy who doesn’t have a family. I recall that he ejected out of the aircraft and broke his neck. What a waste. If he has to get killed than why not have a cooler death like being shot down and crash. In an explosion!
2. Way too many guns
Have you ever seen an action movie where the guy runs out of rounds and has to reload? You see them firing infinite bullets and they never run out until all the bad guys are dead. How convenient. And of course there is the showdown where people are aiming guns at each other. What’s that, he takes off the safety. He must mean business.
1. Cops stealing cars
There is always the whole deal where the good guy stops any random car in order to pursue a bad guy. I’m sure you can find a taxi in any busy street but no you steal some poor guy’s car that you will most likely trash and ruin his CDs. I hope his insurance covers cop chases. And the guy might miss his son’s violin recital because of this.
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