Who is God?

A Random Rant About Christianity

Here is a completely random rant about God, Satan, Heaven and Hell. Just how my friend Aaron likes talking about politics and communism until the point you want to swallow fishing tackle, I like talking about religion.

This is a blog by an atheist for atheists only! So if you are religious then please don’t read this because I don’t want to offend anyone or bring them down. I’m serious. For example I know a lot of people who believe they will see their grandparents in the afterlife. That’s fantastic. So I don’t want to spoil it for them.

In many ways I’m like Cypher from the Matrix. I am and believe I am in the real world. However I don’t entirely like reality and I wish I could go back, but I can’t. What I’m saying is that I use to believe in Christianity until I realized it simply couldn’t be possible. I mean Christianity is actually great; it gives life a purpose and rules to follow. It’s opium for the masses; if you lead an honest life then you go to Heaven. And why wouldn’t you want to believe in Heaven and see Nana and Granddad and whoever.

However I hate backward Middle Eastern countries where people think blowing themselves up and killing innocent bystanders is a good thing and that they will go to Paradise with 72 virgins. I also wonder who came up with the number 72. And I hate all of this killing over people’s opinion of God or Buddha whoever. I don’t like the fighting over the whole we called this spot holy first.

I often use evolution and Ockham’s razor in my argument about religion. For example I think the Big Bang is much simpler and makes more sense than this God that created the world in seven days. I mean who created God then? What about the rest of the fucking Universe? And evolution fucks with people’s beliefs. I use this point at lot; if we evolved from apes than at one point is an animal a human? Because evolution is a long and gradual process. It didn’t just go from ape to directly to man. So do apes go to Heaven?

Life isn’t fair. However people still think they will go to Heaven. I think people want answers and are afraid of death. Here’s a spoiler, you’re going to die and that’s it. As soon as blood stops pumping through somebody’s veins they cease to exist.

I don’t believe in God or Heaven. But if there is a Heaven then I’m sure I will be let in because I’m a good person. I feel people should live a good and happy life. Life is like a badminton match. Even if you lose you should just enjoy playing. So if you’re life sucks hey you’ll soon be dead and it will all be over. If you’re life’s great then it’s only been a positive experience.

What exactly is God? They say we are made in his own image. So where is he then? Flying around in space? How can he be everywhere, is he invisible or something? Because if he looks like us then we should be able to see him.

Why does God demand all this worship, like going to church? I think he gets a little tired of it after a while. “Oh for Me sakes, not the parable of the prodigal lost son again.” I think God would want us to enjoy what he has created. So Sunday morning why not go for a walk and enjoy nature and every thing he has made for us. Unless you actually like going to church. Zzzz. And why all these silly rules like no shopping on Sundays or meat on Friday. I heard it’s actually a mortal sin.

Religion is impossible to prove or disapprove. Nobody can come back from the dead to tell us about the afterlife. Except maybe when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead. What I don’t get is why would Jesus bring someone from Heaven back to into this world? I mean how pissed off would you be when you’re kicking it in Heaven and enjoying some Big Macs and then boom you’re sent back to Earth.

It’s self-fulfilling. I mean everyone likes the idea of eternal life in Heaven while their enemies suffer in Hell. But do you know how long eternity is? Our life time is like a second compared to eternity.  So what’s the point of this life? Is it some test? Because if it is, it’s the equivalent of giving an IQ test in Kindergarten that will shape the rest of your life. One crucial thing that I don’t get is why not just skip this life and just let everyone in Heaven and its all good.

When you really think about it, Heaven makes no sense at all. Is it like our normal life only everything is good? Do we sleep in everyday, have hours of sex with Jessica Alba and it rains ice cream? As weird as it sounds I think we would get real bored in about a million years.

First off everyone would have to have a unique Heaven because everyone would have a different version of Heaven. So obviously we couldn’t have a Heaven where you see Elvis or the real Elvis. Secondly nobody would want that jerk you hated in high school in your Heaven. And would we be free to do whatever we want? Could we do something evil and go to Hell? In fact the only way I see Heaven could be possible is if we were in some sort stasis of sleep or pleasure. Like the ending of A.I.

What exactly is Hell? I think the whole concept is ridiculous. Is it in the center of the world? Once you die do you beam there right away to it or is there a waiting line? Are you in chains and there are flames, caverns and painful shit, but you can’t die. Can you score heroine there?

Who decides who makes it to Heaven or Purgatory? St.Peter? Is it like a math test and you can slide in with a 51% goodnes rating or is your Heaven as good as you deserve it? “Sorry little Timmy had you not stolen that Kit Kat bar you would have made it in. Now you will burn in Hell. Or maybe Purgatory; whatever the Hell that is.” And who was at the gate of Heaven before St.Peter?

How is Jesus God’s only son, I thought we were all his children? If Jesus was his son, then did he fuck the Virgin Mary or did he just put his seed in her? And that means God’s a man. Because if he wasn’t than God’s a dyke.

If God loves all of his children and Jesus died for our sins; then why does he send some of them to Hell for eternity? The thing is some people have had an easier life than others. It’s easy for some rich people who have everything to lead good lives. While some poorer people have had it hard and even resort to sinning such as theft.

Then there is the Devil. I don’t think God and the Devil are playing a chess match with our lives. Sometimes my mom says “thank the Lord,  I found a good parking spot.” Seriously, she does. I don’t think God had anything to do with getting a good spot at No Frills.

If God is so powerful, then why doesn’t He just kick Satan’s ass? I think all of this war between the angels and demons is retarded. So let me get this straight; God hates the Devil and evil doers, he sends them to Hell. So if the Devil wants people to do evil things then why would he punish his evil doers? If anything it would be one huge evil party where everything goes. And with balloons and chips!

They also change part of Christianity to either fit within new scientific laws or come up with some other explanation. I mean way back people took Genesis as the truth. Which is now absurd. So we say it’s only a moral story. I thought the entire bible was divinely influenced so all that stuff like Noah’s Ark or Jonah living inside the giant fish must have happened. But no because these events never did or could occur. So where do we draw the line between truth and only morality stories.

It’s contradicting. Genesis has different versions of the same events. In one account man was created before the animals and then the other man was created afterward. Read the bible if you don’t believe me. It doesn’t make any logical sense. And it’s gross. I mean there was only Adam and Eve to begin with and they only had two sons. Hmm. Then it happened again with Noah and his family. The funny thing is my mom claims that there had to have been cavemen to produce offspring. The funnier thing is that she says that God made fossils and dinosaurs to somehow trick us or something.

The thing is I know so many people who are believers but still commit bad or completely evil things. Like how my religion teacher had an affair with another teacher’s wife. Or take that evangelist douche bag that has been caught several times humping other gay people while doing meth. Then he claims he made some sins and blames on whatever. My question is do they actually believe in what they say or do they know they are full of shit. I know my mom’s friend who is on a fixed income sends money to these assholes.

It’s out of date and has been changed as the stoires have been past down writer to writer. It’s made by people who either had good intentions or swear they were divinely inspired. If I were to attempt to kill my son today because I was told to by an angel; people would think I’m crazy. And take King Solomon. For someone who is called Solomon the wise he’s pretty fucking retarded when he told the two mothers that he will split the baby in half and whoever decides to give up the baby will keep it. Hmm. I don’t think any rational or sane women would go ahead and cut the baby in half. “Okay, how about it? Do you want to cut vertically or do you want the torso?”

 

Why do we make Jesus’ crucifixion such a big deal. I would do it if I could go to Heaven. I mean Spartacus and other slaves went through the same thing. And look at Brave Heart, I think he went through a little more torture than crucifixion  Hey Jesus why didn’t you just say “no I’m not carrying no damn cross. What are you going to do about it? Crucifix me?”

Why do people spread the word of God? It’s the equivalent of tag. Once you get caught then you try to catch and screw other people. I mean natives or whoever lived happily without about praising God, following stupid rules and worrying about going to Hell for things they didn’t realize were sins. And what about someone who died before they could redeem themselves by doing good deeds?

Look nobody knows why are we here. I don’t even understand why anything exists at all. I feel religion impedes science and progress. And it is the cause of many conflicts. The Universe can be both a wonderful place and a cold desolate place whatever way you look at it. But I don’t think the universe really gives a shit about people’s lives. After all aren’t we just a bunch of molecules. So not to sound like a Hallmark card but I think the point of life is just to enjoy it and help others to enjoy it as well.