Do You Believe in Magic

I just watched the movie Oz on cheap night. The food cost more than the actual movie. They didn’t put enough butter on the popcorn even though I paid a dollar extra for butter and it had that yellow crap that makes you thirsty. I like when you get to pour butter yourself. One time I poured so much it was leaking out the bottom.  Mmm. 

And I forgot to ask for no ice cubes and instead the drink was 50% pop. My friend sneaked in a can of pop in her purse; they won’t check that. And she told me she reused 3D glasses and sneaked in 3D movies to save a whole $3.

Oz was alright but mostly visuals. It was intended to be in 3D but my friends didn’t want to pay extra and I didn’t want to go alone… again. I mean during previews who am I going to say to how awesome or retarded a movie looks like. And who will I ask how good a movie was when you’re leaving? “Man, Mystery Alaska was fucking awesome. I can’t believe how a shitty hockey team in a small town can take on the New York fucking Rangers.” Or “man, the Matrix fucked with my mind!” Or “wow, Scary Movie 10 was the funniest one yet.”

So Oz is about how a phony magician Oz that gets sent to the um Oz. I guess they didn’t have a name yet and since he saved Oz, they named it after him. I’m not sure if he’s from Kansas but he arrives there on a hot air balloon by way of a tornado. In the movie Twister they didn’t beam to some enchanted land. Most of them died in the tornado. Oz is a good movie but I won’t ruin it for anyone that hasn’t seen it yet.

I wonder if people in Kansas have to pay higher home insurance. I think my town Sarnia got hit once or twice. I always wanted to see a tornado. But it’s kind of sad that Goderich, the prettiest town in Canada, got hit by a tornado that struck the center of town and turned it into rubble. I know people who had to clean the aftermath.

I don’t believe in magic but sometimes I have no clue how they pull it off. I don’t even know how a person, like your uncle, does the whole quarter behind your ear trick when you were a kid. Or how people do the whole “is this your card?” “Holly shit it is! How did you know?” “It’s magic.”

If I was a magician I’d hit the casinos and play some poker. That way you know what cards people have. “Do you have an ace of hearts and a king of spades?” “Yes, how did you know?” “It’s magic. My flush beats your two pairs.”

I saw a magic act back in my younger years. I’ll call the magician Ted. His assistant was fucking hot. But she would have to be. I could plainly see the strings when Ted raised the hotty in the air. I remember the whole cut her in half bit. I think she crouched in one end and had some robot legs that dangled and moved on the side. I wonder what would happen if he used real blades and did cut her in half. “Oh shit! That wasn’t magic.”

I’m pretty sure that whole disappear act was done with a trapped door. Hey Ted if you were real than why do you cover her and hide her and not just disappear her in plain sight? That would be real magic. Or let’s see you disappear anyone except on a stage. Any good magician knows how to do the bunny in the hat trick and the doves in the jacket trick without getting dumped and peed on.

The better magicians have to take a magician’s oath. They never reveal their secrets to any non-magician. If they did, the magicians would make loud mouth disappear forever, or the they might bury him alive and see how you can pull it off.  

Well I watched some magicians on Youtube that revealed some tricks. But these were stupid ones like making a quarter disappear. I learned how to do it but I still can’t pull it off. I’m sure the magicians don’t give a shit about them revealing these tricks. “Dammit now everyone knows how to do the metal hoop trick. He will pay.”

Houdini is the most famous magician. He is known for his escape acts, such as escaping handcuffs that police put on him. I hear criminals around the world use this. “Dammit, he got off them and disappeared. It muse be magic. Let’s see how well he escapes from bullets.” If he was in the horror movie Saw, he wouldn’t have to cut off his fucking leg.

He also would get buried alive. I guess he pulled it off just like Uma Thurman. And if he fucked up, they wouldn’t have to bury him again. Another feat was escaping out of a straight jacket under water. Of course I have an evil and twisted side of me that doesn’t want these illusionist to escape. “Haha, what an idiot.” You know Houdini would eventually get killed. But out of all things, he died with of a ruptured appendix when he thought he could withstand any blow to the stomach.

Chris Angel is my favorite magician. But unlike the late Michael Jackson, I don’t believe his magic is real. I think his coolest magic act is levitating. I would love to see that in person. I have heard he stole the idea from Ghostbusters when the crazy chick is floating.

He would cause a Lamborghini to disappear. I’d use a Buick, it’s cheaper, but I think he used a larger trap door. And he would walk on water just like he’s Jesus; the greatest magician of all time.