Atheism

Hi I’m Greg and I am an atheist.

I already have written about Jesus, the Ten Commandments, Genesis, Noah’s Arc, Heaven and Hell and other religious topics. I plan on writing about Armageddon. Only because I think the bible is funny.

But it’s not like I’m proud of it. I’m not going to look down on people who have different beliefs than me. I’m not like “haha these fools believe in God. Haha.” At the same time I’m not a bad person because I don’t share other people’s beliefs.

In fact some of the most religious people turn out as the biggest sinners. Like those evil fucking pedophile priests. And the catholic churches are running low on priests. Maybe if they were allowed to marry and have other people in the community to help out we wouldn’t have such a shortage.

I remember my first confession I didn’t know what to say really. I think I told father that I stole $5 from my mom’s purse and made fun of the dorks in my class. I mean really, why do we have to seek a priest when we could just pray to God and ask Him for forgiveness. “Father I had sex with a raccoon. Again. Forgive me.” “Haha. I’m sorry. I want you to say ten thousand rosaries.” I wonder how the priest reacts to more hardcore shit. Like having sex with dead bodies or even killing someone!

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I’ll reiterate what I have written before. I think for the average Christian that believes in God and may or may not go to church is great. I’m glad they think God loves them and they’ll go to Heaven when they die. Religion really is an opium for the masses. I find it a defense mechanism that people can’t cope with dying. I wish I was going to Heaven.

Right near my house there is a Mormon church. Or what is known as the Church of Latter Day Saints. And there is usually a cop car in the parking lot at night. It’s so funny I’m considering of going to mass there. I have seen a South Park episode all about the Mormons, so check it out.

Its basically saying that Jews used to live in North America but have sinned and God turned them brown and now they are native Americans. That’s just a little racists to both races. I mean Jews would never sell land unless they can make a good profit. And because of this they wouldn’t sell Long Island for some fire water.

So around the 1800s this guy Joseph Smith, real original name, was visited by angels and even the man upstairs. One vision that told him about these golden plates which Joe used to write the book of Mormons. And this horny bastard wrote about polygamy. That’s cool that you can have sex with many wives and they will do all of the chores. But this means some unlucky guys would miss out on having any wives. Or they fight over the fat chicks.

Then you have these asshole evangelists. I already wrote about Jesus Camp. My roommate came to me one day and said you have to watch this movie, Jesus Camp. He was pissed off. And he should have been. Then I downloaded it. Some parts are funny, some are just sad and some are unbearable to watch.

First off the councilor is a fat beast who said “people are getting fat and lazy.” And she said “this world is a sick world.” Hey bitch the world has its problems but on the whole it’s great place that God has created. And they’re brainwashing these kids. The funniest part is when rat boy is watching this show where they are making fun of evolution. And that how could we go from slime to people. The kid laughed like crazy. Clearly they don’t understand evolution.

These crazies even have a cardboard standup of former president George I’m a Retard W. Bush. Fat beasts tells them to say hello to the President. That’s so stupid. I hate that fucker for what he has done and the whole Iraq war. I also wrote a blog about the white devil Bush way back in the day. So check it out.

Then there is Ted Haggard. He is or was the leader of some of those huge hardcore evangelical churches. He got caught having sex with a man and doing meth. And then he admits to being weak or something. I’m pretty sure he knows he’s full of shit. Then there are all of these people who donate to these churches. Even people on welfare. My aunt is one of them. There are more important causes like giving to the poor and needy. And not buying these ministers gold watches, expensive suits and a nice haircut. And prostitutes and meth.

I consider all churches of being a little crazy. I find Christianity no different than Greek mythology. But the craziest religion has to be Scientology. It was created by a science fiction writer L. Hubbard. Yes a science fiction writer. To clarify, that’s an author that makes up shit. Scientology has nothing to do with science or ologies. Again there is a South Park episode about scientology. Because of this Isaac Hayes, who did the voice of chef, left because he is a member of scientology.

I won’t get into the details because this is some fucked up story.  I’ll try my best. We are actually aliens called thetans. There is this galactic emperor Xenu from 75 millions years ago. All the planets were overpopulated so Xenu froze some aliens and trapped their souls. Using airplanes Xenu sent these souls to Earth, which was called Teegeeack, and sent them into volcanoes. When these aliens rose some contraption called an electric ribbon prevented them. So we are trapped in bodies and somehow we experience pain and suffering because of this.

So we are audited. This is deep counseling where some dude asks a series of questions. They use an E-meter which is really a piece of shit electronic device that has nothing to do with anything. The part that bothers me is you have to pay money to get to the “next level.” I think Scientology is cult for crazy people, like Tom Cruise who is brainwashing his daughter. John Travolta is also a member. I think he really needs to see a physiatrist and work on his homosexual tendencies.

In the end I don’t give a fuck about these western religions that don’t affect me. It’s those crazy Muslim and Middle Eastern religions where they think blowing themselves is a great idea.

Anyway, another good movie about religion is Religulous by Bill Maher. It’s both a hilarious and eye opening documentary on religion. The two best parts is when Maher is talking to a pothead in Amsterdam and says his hair is on fire. Or when he interviews a Senator who said “you don’t have to pass an I.Q. test to be a Senator.” Maher didn’t look impressed. Finally I like the song Dear God by XTC. It’s catchy and pretty much summarizes everything I feel about religion. I’m going to Hell.