What Women Want?

What Women Really Want?

Mel Gibson has starred in some of the greatest movies. He was Mad Max in the um, Mad Max trilogy. “Who runs Barter Town?” “Master Blaster.” But I already wrote about the Thunderdome a while ago.

Brave Heart is one of my all-time favorite movies of all-time. What an awesome movie, I seen it a million times. And the Lethal Weapon series are cool too. Wait scratch that. Not the last one.

And then he starred in What Women Want.

As a child Mel’s mother was Las Vegas showgirl. Personally I find that creepy. It’s almost as bad as having your mom as a stripper. “Baby momma has to go dance.” I don’t know what happened to his father but hey what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

But it would be cool to grow up around hot women. And because of this Mel becomes a huge chauvinist. I’m no Freud but I guess since showgirls are there for male entertainment he views women as objects. Which they are. Haha, I’m joking.

Freud is also mentioned in the movie because one of his last questions was what do women want? Freud, you should know, you’re gay. They want the cock! And also a nice guy that listens, likes to snuggle and watch chick flicks like Moulin Rouge or What do Women Want.

Mel Gibson plays a Chicago advertisement executive whose target market are men. And he’s a man, man. But his boss, the doctor from MASH, tells him that young women are the fastest growing spenders and they need a piece of that pumpkin pie. So the company hires a successful female advertisement executive, Helen Hunt from Mad about You and Twister.

Twister was an awesome movie the first time you watch it in theaters. As I kid I always wanted to see a tornado in person. I thought they were cool. But not the part where they ruin peoples lives.

I wonder where people in trailers go when they a tornado is coming towards them? They don’t have a basement and they can’t really stay away from windows. On the other hand they can easily replace all of their belongings at the dollar store.

I also wanted to see a flood. How much fun would it be to go visit some town with severe flooding? You can ride skidoos everywhere and jump off people’s roofs. And go fishing or swimming wherever you want. It would be like Venice.

So Mel doesn’t realize how much of an asshole he is. One of the few funny parts is when Mel walks by the fat chick and as she’s about to eat a donut he said “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Priceless. And he tells stupid jokes and I wonder how clueless you have to be to think women find them funny.

“A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.””

What a stupid joke, it doesn’t even make sense. Or Mel doesn’t realize women don’t like calling them broads. I mean who even calls sluts broads nowadays. Personally I call the hoes chicks or ladies. Hello ladies.

He frequents the coffee shop; I assume Star Bucks, and always hits on Marisa Tomei. Holy shit, she is fine. I would hit on her too. I go to Tim Horton’s every morning for a XL coffee. But my lines don’t work. “I want it black; you’re the only sugar and cream I need.”

Anyway Mel is trying out some feminine products to get into the female psyche. I think he tries some wax, lipstick, stockings and tampons. Apparently wax hurts a lot. But I have virtually no chest hair so I wouldn’t know. But I feel bad for women with an unsightly mustache.

His ex-wife is getting married and his daughter Alex has to live with Mel while the ex is going on a honeymoon. Where I assume there are playing tennis and fucking. So Alex catches him in the act trying on women products and he say he’s exfoliating. I didn’t even know what that meant until I looked it up. I guess it makes your skin vibrant and silky smooth.

Alex is a bit of brat but of course Mel knows nothing about her. Yet. Like he didn’t know she has a boyfriend who is three years older than her. And like all paranoid dads he doesn’t like that because he knows what teenage guys are thinking. Kissing and holding hands.

Anyway he’s holding onto a blow dryer and slips on some beads and falls into the bath.  And instead of dying he only gets mildly shocked.  And he soon finds out that he can read women’s minds.

That would be cool. I have no clue what women are thinking. I guess they think about “what time the Bachelorette is on tonight?” “What type of icream am I going to eat?” “Do I need to pick up some tampons?” or “Greg is such a stud. I hope he’s single?” Hello ladies.

Initially Mel doesn’t like his superpower and sees a female psychiatrist. This is like a Teen Wolf movie where something incredible happens and Michael J. Fox tells Styles he’s a werewolf. So Mel asks her a question only she would know and he tells her the answer. I forget the question but something like who her favorite soap opera heartthrob is or what kind of tampons she prefers.

Then the psychiatrist tells him the upside of being able to hear women’s thoughts. This is the part of the movie when things are looking up. It’s just like Teen Wolf where everyone knows that he’s a werewolf and he kicks ass in basketball.

So for the whole movie Mel eavesdrops on Helen and pretends to be the perfect man. Personally I’d stick with Marisa. But he totally steals all of Helen’s ideas. So near the end she becomes unnecessary and loses her job.

He finally does get to fuck Marisa and apparently he does a tremendous job. Then he doesn’t call her back. I think I missed a part. So he tells her he is actually gay. Homo.

He also reads his own daughter’s thoughts and finds out she wants the cock. Mel over hears that Alex is thinking that at prom “this will be the last dress I wear as a virgin.” Oh you hoar.

Later on he gets electrocuted again and boom he lost his superpowers. But he is a changed man and doesn’t need it anymore. He knows what women want. The cock. So at prom, without his powers, he finds Alex in the can crying. And that she wasn’t ready for the cock. So her asshole boyfriend hooked up with his ex. But I won’t ruin the end.

Now imagine they made the movie “What Men Want.” It would star a young and hot blond that works at Hooters. And when she is plugging in her vacuum cord in the socket; she gets electrocuted. And now she can read men’s minds. It would be a disaster.

So the blond hears what men are thinking. And everywhere she goes men want to fuck her. “I wonder what kind of panties she’s wearing.” “Oh you want the cock don’t you slut.” “I want to cum on your face.” “Nice tits.” or “I wonder what time Duck Dynasty is on tonight?”