Scooby Doobie Doobie Doo

Remember Scooby Doobie Doo? It’s one of my favorite cartoons that began in the early 70s, as you can tell by their clothing. If it wasn’t for Fred tapping Dahpine’s ass I’d say he was gay. Who wears a red ascot anyway?

So the show stars the pet dog Scooby Doobie Doo and a gang of teenagers.  The whole premise of the show is that the gang looks for mysteries to solve. But they are no Sherlock homes nor are the mysteries clever.

Scooby Doobie Doo is the Great Dane that can kind of talk. His name is an obvious reference to marijuana joints. And Scooby and Shaggy always get the munchies and would eat these eight foot stacked sandwiches. Where are they getting all the ingredients? Do they go to Subway and order 50 subs? Scooby doesn’t eat dog food. Here Scooby how about pedigree. Noo pedddiffee, I rufnt sandrriches.

Shaggy is pretty much useless. All he does is run away and eat. I don’t even know why they bring him along. He doesn’t shave; I think he needs Mach 5 Turbo. He will be like well Scooby I am really stoned. Do you ever wonder if in all the vast universe that there are aliens out there who also wonder if we exist? Ruff right.

Fred is the go getter leader. He paid $300 for shoes and sports a nifty neck ascot which got really out of style by the 80s. He played football but fucked up his knee. He decided to form a team of mystery solvers to investigate mysteries for no fee.

Velma is the book worm dyke. She has short lesbian hair and a mini skirt that someone that ugly shouldn’t be wearing. Her glasses always happen to fall off and she is blind without them. Then she will be looking around and mistake the ghost for Fred. Is that you Fred? Wait you’re not Fred you’re the the, holy fucking shit! Hey bitch wear contact lenses for Christ’s sake.

Daphne is the red hair hotty with a tight ass. She looks like a 60s flight attendant and likes the color purple. Her whole purpose is to get into danger or trapped. Hey bitch carry a gun or mace or even a cell phone. Why do they always split up, I don’t know.

The gang rides the Mystery Machine which is a painted Chevy Van. I noticed they all sit at front and not at the back so people can see them all. I hope they all have seatbelts. Like most dogs Scooby should have his head out the window because dogs like that. I wonder what took place at the dealership. So you’re looking for a van to get to the mysteries. Well you’re at luck; we have one Mystery Machine left in green.

Scooby loves his Scooby snacks and are therefore named after him. I don’t know what hey put in them but it gives Scooby courage like beer gives me liquid courage. The guys would be here Scooby has some snacks and go investigate that fire. Ruff okay. I wonder what is in Scooby snacks and if they have a growth opt in Panama.

I noticed they always have this whole running scene where everyone is running and opening and closing doors. They never seem to lead anywhere and at one point they have Shaggy chasing the ghosts.

You would think by now that they would figure out that there are no such things as ghosts or other creatures. They always unmask the culprit and find out it was the janitor all along. I don’t know where these criminals buy their costumes? The funny part is that they have the worst motives. Normally criminals do it for the money or revenge. These criminals might want to dress up as a big foot to scare McDonald customers to make way for a Harvey’s. And all of the culprits say that: I would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids!

I wonder if they ever have to investigate a double homicide. Scooby can use his nose to find the trail of blood and semen. Shaggy would be like hey Scooby I think the victim was brutally raped and cut up into pieces. And her face was cut off so the killer can wear it as a mask. And I got the munchies. It’s sad that Scooby contracted rabies and was not on a leash when he attacked little Timmy. Scooby had to be put down.