Here is another blog only for atheists. So once again don’t read it you’re not an atheists, it will only just piss you off or get you down. I’ve already written about it but here are more of my thoughts about the afterlife.
I don’t know how much the Good Book describes Heaven. You’d think they would at least devote a chapter about the after life. They have chapters with all of this useless information like genealogy of Abraham. The thing is that nobody quite knows what Heaven is like because you can’t come back to Earth and tell everyone. And I don‘t believe in ghosts.
I wonder who the first person in Heaven was. God would be like congratulations you’re the first person to make it; do you want anything to drink? So I’m God and I’ll tell you everything you want to know. Good thing we can have some one on one time because down the road everyone would want to meet me, it gets annoying. How about a game of squash with your maker?
I also wonder about the gates of Heaven are like and who manned the gates before the first bouncer Saint Peter came along. You could have sinners trying to sneak in. Welcome stranger take a number and wait in the next room. I realize it’s a bitch waiting, so how about reading Jesus Weekly or People.
So where is Heaven anyway? Is it in the clouds or some other dimension? And is Hell in the center of Earth. I’m pretty confident that we would eventually come across Heaven. This is your captain speaking, we will be going upwards a thousand feet and what the fuck is that? Is that Heaven? No it couldn’t be. Well I’d be a monkey’s uncle I see God.
The thing is that Heaven would be a millions times bigger than Earth because of so many people live there and it gets crowded. Well sir you met the requirements but you have to go to Hell because Heaven is chalk full and nobody is leaving.
I never quite understood the requirements to entering Heaven. Well little Timmy you barely passed the test and you’re free to enter. Had you made a little more mistakes or stole another Twix you’d be going to Hell.
I wonder what Heaven is like. What exactly do you do forever? I’m sure people would get bored after playing Jesus in chess a million times. Are there free Big Macs or free back massages or free pony rides. And can you commit any sins while in Heaven?
How old would you be in Heaven? For example let’s say a baby gets killed, and then would he be a baby forever. Or conversely would Grandpa be an old geezer in Heaven? My theory is that if there was Heaven than it would be exclusive for each individual. I’m sure Elvis, if he was dead, would hate being pestered all day from fans.
You always hear about sins and forgiveness. I’m a good person and I help people because I want others to be happy. I do this for out of good will and not just to get brownie points and go to Heaven. When is the last time you committed a sin? I think I scratched another guy’s car and drove off. I also laughed when I saw an old lady fall.
So Jesus died for our sins. Then why the fuck do we still go to Hell if he died for our sins. So what if Jesus died on the cross for us. Hey Jesus thousands of people have been crucified or even worse. I’ve seen people burn to death or die of flesh eating bacteria.
At what point does a person become a person in the eyes of the Lord. Can a two day old fetus go to Heaven if killed? What would be Heaven for them anyway if they haven’t experienced anything and are just a couple of cells? And why can’t animals to go to Heaven. What happens if someone was going to change their ways and become a good person but is killed before they had that opportunity? And can you do bad things in Heaven?
So God loves us but casts sinners to Hell to burn forever! But let me get this straight, the Devil wants you to do bad things than why would he punish everyone for doing what he wants them to do. It would be one gigantic party where anything goes. Anyway I’m sure I going to straight to Hell. If there was one.
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