Robocop

Robocop is a classic 80s movie where after a cop gets killed they transform his body into a half human, half robot cop called; you got it, Robocop.

The movie takes place in a crime ridden Detroit City, Michigan. Detroit is already considered a dangerous and ghettoish city. But it’s pretty sad that they need Robocop so badly. I think they should have had a black Robocop with more colorful lines. “Drop that get! I’m Robohomey motherfucker.”

OCP is this evil company that has created a huge robot called ED-209. I think they should have called it ED-2000, because it sounds cooler. But whatever. They test the ED-209 and it ends up shooting an executive to bits. And all douche has to say is I’m very disappointed. That’s a huge lawsuit just waiting to happen.

I wonder how exactly this weapon machine would enforce the law?  Even it was properly controlled. It’s just a bit overkill with those missiles. You never see cops with rocket launchers. And how could ED chase suspects? I think they should have deployed him in the Middle East and kick some terrorist ass.

Murphy is a cop who is moved on his first day to the worst precinct in Detroit.

The cops warn him about the all of the scums and villainy. Again another blow to the reputation of Detroit. Murphy and his new ugly partner officer Anne team up. Doesn’t the name Murphy sound like a typical cop name? I find it funny that even when he was a human he sounds like a robot.

They have a car chase and shootout with some bad guys. They call backup and some bitch tells them there is none available. I mean really, no backup in the whole city? The bad guys are firing machine guns and there are a ton of witnesses. They should at least have a swat team. They chase them to an abandon building. The gang’s leader is That’s 70 Show’s Red Forman. I kept thinking he’s going to call everyone dumbasses.

Anne is injured, so it’s up to hero Murphy. He gets shot to pieces. I’d think he would be killed but they try to revive at the hospital anyway. Normally someone would contact his wife and son. And normally they would bury him. I’d think his family would want some answers or at least be notified that he’s now Robocop. I’m sure his son would miss him very much, but having Robocop as your dad would kick ass. It will be like in elementary school where each kid says his dad could beat up your dad. “No, trust me. My dad could kick all of your dad’s asses.”

Murphy signed a waver for being a cop and apparently that allows them to do whatever they want with his body. I don’t think there was a clause that if you’re dead they can turn you into a cyborg. Being a cop they turn him into a crime fighting machine that unlike ED-209 can be programmed to fight crime with a human touch. I have read that the metal suit cost a million dollars each.

They decide to erase his memory. But the man behind Robocop still has lingering memories of his family. Such as playing catch with the boy or making sweet anal sex with his wife. Now if they erase his memory does that mean he loses all of his police training too? Me on the other hand lose my memory every time I drink and smoke weed. In fact I kept forgetting who is evil or who is working in the inside. So I assume everyone is.

So they just let Robocop go out and fight crime. You’d think he would at least have a human partner and some practice runs. I mean what happens if he accidently shoots a jay walker or a kid with a water gun? “I will give you three seconds to drop that marijuana joint or I will fire at you.” By the way, do they pay him; does he get two week vacations and a good pension?

In one scene there is a robber stealing money from a safe at a Kwik-E-Mart. The clerk presses a button. I’m assuming one that alerts the police. Apparently they didn’t have cameras in the 80s. Robocop is there in like 30 seconds. How convenient. The robber fires his shotgun but does no damage to Robocop. Robo breaks the gun and then clotheslines him. And Robo just leaves. I mean what? Who the Hell is going to arrest and detain said robber?

Then Robocop just so happens to be at another crime scene. He saves a woman from some thugs by shooting the guy in the nuts. I understand they are criminals and maybe rapists, but you don’t shoot guy in the family jewels. That’s just mean.

Then one of Red’s gang members robs a gas station and I’m thinking why would he commit such a petty crime when his gang has all of that cocaine money. Robocop fires and hits one of the gas pumps. The bad guy gets away and throws a cigarette as he leaves. And the gas station explodes. Good job Robocop, now the clerk dies in a horrible explosion. I don’t know about you but I think everyone, especially the clerk, would be much better off had Robocop done nothing.

After the robber said he knew Robocop, Robocop looks up his profile in the bat computer. Robocop also looks up Red who killed him. Then he finds out about Murphy being deceased and has some more flashbacks. So vigilante storms the gang’s drug warehouse and kills a ton of bad guys. They’re nailing him like crazy and I’m thinking why don’t they shoot him in the mouth?

Robocop finally apprehends Red. Red squeals to save his hide which Robocop records on his 16gb hard drive. With that Robocop tries arrest the head executive of OCP but is stopped by the ED-209. Robocop heads down the stairs and ED-209 can’t walk down them. What a shitty design flaw. And I’m thinking how the fuck did they get it upstairs. There’s no way it could use the elevator. However the police are ordered to finish him off.

And the police are threatening to strike because of all of these cop casualties in the line of duty. I understand maybe garbage men or teachers go on strike. Without garbage men everything starts to stink and without teachers students don’t learn. But cops? That’s not cool. And that’s’ all the more reason for having robocops. So without cops there are crime sprees and anarchy.

Anne helps repair Robocop and they go after Red and his goons in an abandon factory. Idiot tries to run over Robocop and runs right into toxic waste. He doesn’t gain super powers. He dies a horrible death. Anne gets shot. I’m sure she’s fine. Robocop returns to OCP. But I won’t ruin the ending. What I think they really need is Robodog. With a robot bark and super robotic nose and ears.