Go To Your Room!

Cheesy Lines Parents Use

Do you remember when you were younger and think you would be a cool and hip parent when you have your own kids? But then you become your own father. As for me I don’t have any children. Hmm. It seems eventually you start using these lame ass lines you tell to your own children.  So here are some lines you tell to your own kids

If all your friends jumped off the bridge would you?

                            

Um, no. This is the argument when all of your friends are going to some event and your parents won’t let you go. Like you plan on going to see a Nickelback and Simple Plan concert. It’s stupid. My friends aren’t going to jump off any bridges. And if they did there would be a reason to. Like you’re jumping off a low bridge for fun. Or if you’re on fire. Or if you just hate your life.

Not under my roof.

My parents always used this line since I was teenager. Like you want to perform a satanic ritual and your mom won’t allow that in their house. But teens don’t have enough money to get their own roof and so they must live with their parents. And since I still live with my parents I’m screwed. I even have a curfew. But when I’m under my own roof I’m going to do whatever I want. Like smoke weed and stay out late.

Money doesn’t grow on trees.

You’re absolutely right! Money doesn’t grow on trees. Still don’t see why I can’t an 80 inch screen T.V, massaging chair and or hot tub. Or even my own hovercraft. But it would be awesome if it did. I would enjoy raking $100 bills. And then pay the neighborhood kid to bring me Big Macs and chicken mcnuggets. With ten packs of honey.

I’m not your friend’s mother.

My mom used this line when I was younger. I might ask if I could get a Turbo Graphics16. “But mom I really want to play Bonk’s Adventure. Brett’s mom got him a Turbo Graphics 16.” “I’m not Brett’s mother.” Then my mom has the audacity of saying her friends’ children do such and such. Like their kids go to church or eat “healthy.”

I will turn this car around.

Do you remember as a kid when you’re going for a trip and being annoying? Like you’re heading to Sea World and your dad wants you to shut up, sit down and stop hitting your brother. “I will turn this car around and you won’t get to ride any of your precious rollercoasters!” But is it an empty bluff? It does work though. The funny part is you’re parents can’t use that line on the way back. “I will turn this car around and go back to Sea World.” Or maybe they just leave you there.

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.

I understand this concept. You shouldn’t say mean things to people. Or at least in person. It’s one thing to joke with your friends about this ham girl we know. But I’m not going to call her a fat hog to her face. And what if she asks if she looks sexy in her tight jeans? I guess you lie. And does calling your friend a fag a mean thing? Otherwise you look stupid for not saying anything at all.

I will give you something to cry about!

My dad is normally friendly person. But he can get pretty ugly when he’s angry. Such as when I would cry. And I cried a lot as a kid. Over nothing. Like when he wouldn’t get me a Stretch Armstrong or let me ride those stupid helicopter rides in the mall. So my dad would say “I will you give you something to cry about!” It scared me straight. Now I don’t have any emotions at all and lost my ability to cry.

When I was your age.

Parents always think we have it easy as kids. It’s true though. All I do is play video games and have naps all day. Sometimes the odd day I might have to shovel the driveway or clean the dishes. My mom tells me she had to work at the farm and walk to school in the freezing cold. My dad tells me he didn’t have a car or his own T.V.

Because I said so.

This is the stupidest argument ever. Haha. Because I said so. Haha. It’s used when your parents can’t come up any rational explanation or reason. My mom uses this all of the time. Even when she’s wrong. But she can’t be wrong. “Mom can I go to KFC?” “No.” “Why?” “Because I said so.” “I’ll use my own money.” “No?” “Why?” “Because I said so.” “I’ll walk there.” “No.” “Why?” “Because I said so.” Then I’d ask my dad.