The Greg That Keeps On Giving
I love Christmas shopping. I like to look for the perfect gifts for my family. But I still look for things for me at the same time. I mean I’m already at the mall, I might as well. I get a warm fuzzy feeling when I find something they love. Or need. Like little Timmy’s wheelchair and artificial heart valve.
Every year my mom says she doesn’t want anything. And every year my dad buys her loads of stuff. Like an Ipad that she didn’t want. She even bought her gift for me to give to her. So I got her some movies she might like. And part of my present is going to church with my mom. She likes to show me off to the regulars. But she won’t let me eat the Jesus crackers and the wine because I’m a huge atheist.
If my dad wants something he will just go out and buy it himself. So I pretty much can only buy him Drambuie and turtles. Every year my dad exchanges gifts with his sister. She gets him some expensive sweaters that he never wears. This has been going on for like 20 years. He’s running out of places to keep them. Half of them don’t even fit him anymore.
I bought my bro lots of stuff. Such as South Park
It’s funny; I don’t really need or want anything at all. Except for a MP3 playa. I searched Future Shop and the IPods were well over a $150. So I got different one for $60. With touch screen. And a camera. I hope it’s just as good. I mean I already have a massive collection of clothes, video games and movies. I don’t need anymore. Maybe some more long sleeve shirts. Maybe some marijuana.
I ask for tons of gift certificates for all of my favorite shops. I’ll use them eventually. Like McDonalds. Mmm. Big Macs. Or Winners, Dollarama, Giant Tiger, Tims, the movie theater. And the strippers.
My aunt already got me $25 to Tim Horton’s. I need my morning coffee. Thanks! She also got me a Tim’s toque. I like hats but I’m not going to wear it. So I called her to thank her and said I love it. It reminds when someone gets you a stupid shirt or some ugly sweater that you will never wear in public. But every time they visit, you have to wear it.
And I asked my brother to surprise me. I think he might buy me a hat or watch. I could use some shoes because I wear them out so quickly from all of the walking I do. Which is pretty much every three months. The problem is I have looked absolutely everywhere for clothes and items. But some good kush would be nice.
My dad always buys me cologne. I just don’t like the smell of men’s cologne. I don’t care if Justin Timberlake endorses it. I rather have the sweet scent of strawberries. And I don’t go to the clubs anymore anyway. But do you think it works on picking up chicks? “Hi handsome. You smell nice.” “Its endeavor, by Guuuchi. I have more at home.” So I give it to my brother.
As for video games; I’m in no rush to get the next generation consoles. For one thing I have a dozen games on the go. I rather wait a year to get Xbox One when it’s cheaper and has a larger library of games. As for Sony I never liked their controllers. And I don’t need a blue ray playa. And I think my friends will also go for the Xbox One too. My brother on the other hand wants a Sony 4. One reason is because it’s more expensive. So he thinks its better.
As for the Wii U, I don’t see the point of having a screen on your controller and watch the television. I hardly have my friends over to play video games with me anyway. And most of my video games are hooked up in my tiny bedroom now. My dad won’t let my hook it up on the big screen. Besides my friends rather play online.
I guess the controller might come in handy for RPGs. Like a map of Hyrule. The 3DS looks cool. I don’t know if the 3D gets annoying after a while, but I might get it for my birthday for next year to play while I’m down in Florida
So I pretty much know what to expect. I usually get like ten hockey tape rolls. No more bugging other players for tape. I always get socks. Goodbye socks with holes or the ones that don’t match. And enough with the tube socks that look stupid in the summer. I also get undershirts. They get pretty gross after a while. I sweat a lot.
I always get chocolates. Too bad each year my mom gives me the assorted ones where I only like a third of the box. And sometimes they don’t have the damn description of each piece of chocolate. So I have no fucking clue what I’m going to get. Just like Forrest Gump. So I make some trades.
I might as well get Mario Galaxy 2. I see Yoshi is in it. Remember Yoshi? Good fun. I used to draw Yoshi as a kid. And I tried finding this wicked game Xenoblade for the Wii. Too bad it’s a rare gem and nobody carries it anymore. Damn!
Every holiday season my mom’s church asks people to buy gifts for a less fortunate child. Haha, because they don’t get anything for Christmas. Haha. Because they are poor. Haha. Because their father is an alcoholic. Haha. And the church doesn’t want anyone to buy stuff from the dollar store.
But seriously; I helped her out in getting something cool for a 15 year old. I wanted to get him some expensive stuff but there was a limit for every child. You know when one kid gets an MP3 playa and his brother gets a cassette playa.
So we got him some cheap clothing articles like a cool toque that turns inside out. I picked out a skateboard. My mom picked out a CSI board game. Come on. It was like five bucks. He’s never going to play CSI with his friends. Or even know what CSI is. I thought a Risk board game would be good fun. But again there is that cap. And we got him a few more nicnacs, like a deck of cards. You know so he can play war.
My mom had to get a huge fucking bag for the skateboard. I myself bought a skateboard years ago. I loved Tony Hawk so I thought I’d learn to skate and pull off my own sweet moves. I could barely just skate. I think I managed to pull off an Ollie like three inches. Now it’s collecting dust in the basement along with my electric guitar, boom box, all of my VHS movies, my 13 inch rear projection T.V. And the Atari.
Oh but what I really, really, really, really want for Christmas is the Holy Grail! And everlasting life.
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