Sarnia

My Hometown Sarnia

I was born and raised in a quant town known as Sarnia. Population 72000, or at least it was twenty years ago. But don’t get it mistaken for Narnia, although it would be cool knowing spells and hanging out with the elves.

Where is Sarnia may you ask? Sarnia is located in Southern Ontario Canada. I hope people around the world at least know where Canada is. It’s the fucking huge chunk of land above the States.

Sarnia is on the tip of Southern Ontario and we boarder a city known as Port Huron, Michigan. The Saint Clear River separates our borders and the two Bluewater Bridges connect us with the States. We are about an hour away from Detroit, a city where they have so much violence and drugs that they need Robo Cop.

The problem with the bridges is that almost every fucking truck in the world uses them and the wait lines suck. Coming back to Canada isn’t so bad because we don’t really care who comes into our county and our customs officers are cool. Going towards the States takes forever because they have no room for expansion and the custom agents are paranoid of every teenager and foreigner they come across. So I usually just take the ferry or a raft.

I have lived in Sarnia my entire life and it’s a great place to grow up in. It’s not too big and not too small. Unlike smaller towns we never used to hang out at the gas station, we rode our bikes around the city and played sports.

We have all of the major fast food joints including four McDonalds; one has a slide and ball pit. Sweet. And of course two Harvey’s where YOU decide what is on your burger. However I hate when I ask for everything on it and they still ask if I want ketchup or pickles. Hi I want everything on it and I want pickles and ketchup.

Yes it gets really fucking cold in the winter. I’m wearing a jacket right now because my mom is so fucking cheap to turn the furnace on. That is pretty much the only thing I don’t like about Canada, even though I spend most of my time indoors sleeping or playing video games. I do like to smoke weed and go for walks in nicer weather.

We live by one of the Great Lakes: Lake Huron. The area is also known as Blue Water because well, we have blue water. So it’s really cool to go swimming or fishing in the summer. And Steve will go swimming in January because he’s crazy and makes us laugh.

There aren’t enough attractions even when spending so much money on tourism. Let’s see, the tallest building is the

Kenwich Place

that looks like a giant ship. My brother used to live there. That’s really about it.

South of Sarnia is what is known as Chemical Valley because of all of the chemical industries there. They air stinks, but I guess you can get used to it. Sarnia has the highest rates of asthma, could it be a coincidence?  The Valley used to be one of the top places to bomb in North America, which is a good thing because I rather some other city get utterly destroyed than my hometown!

Chemical Valley is the greatest provider of jobs. My dad works for Suncor; I don’t know what exactly what Suncor does? I believe it processes oil and sends it down the pipe line. Maybe I should sit down and ask my dad about it. And tell me dad I love him.

We have a course a Super Wal-Mart Center where I buy pretty much everything there except clothes or items that I can get at the dollar store. It’s so big they have their own McDonalds. Mm Big Macs. I wish I got stocks when I first started working there fifteen years ago.

We have a Lambton Nine Cineplex where it costs twenty bucks for food, pop and candy. So I bought some candy at Dollarama just in case for next time. I might bring in a pop too because what are they going to do? They’re not going to search me or kick me out. The least they will do is just take it. I also tried buying child’s ticket from the automatic teller but I got caught. I played stupid and said it was a stupid mistake.

We have a few pubs to go to. I like getting stoned and walking to Chicken in the Rough for wing night. But not in winter because again it is freezing cold. I sometimes go to Two Amigos where its cougar night every night and shoot some pool. And they now have a shuttle bus that will drive you home. That’s genius because there won’t be any drinking and driving and people will spend more because of this.

However I’m getting rather bored with Sarnia. I’m finding each day a little monotonous. I think I need change in my routine life. The problem is that I have everything I need at home and would need to get a job if I would move out or get a car. I definitely miss London and the fast paced life. I find there is more to do there and my mom can’t control my life anymore. But I think my college days are over and I’m almost thirty. And now I’m going to cry.

So come visit Sarnia, the greatest city there is or ever will be and see the

Kenwich Place

. Eat some of our famous bridge fries. And hang out with me, get stoned and play Mario Kart 64.