Sports

I always wonder how sports were invented and if we will ever invent more. Maybe anti gravity baseball. There are the big ones like soccer, hockey, basketball, baseball, football, soccer baseball and lawn darts. Here is a blog about the lesser known ones. I wrote about dogeball, volleyball, bowling, sumo wrestling and racecars (fun fact: the word racecars is a palindrome because you can spell it backwards).

I fucking loved playing dogeball or king’s court in gym class. We had rules like you can’t hit people in the head. But it is so fun to do. Whoops I just accidentally smashed his glasses. Or whoops I accidentally broke her nose. I had style and did rolls and dives. And I gave the cute girls a chance to throw.

By the way Dodge Ball is a sweet movie. It has the perfect cast. Ben Stiller is hilarious as the villain. I also liked Vince Vaughn, Stephen Root (the fat guy) and the pirate. Watch it, its way better than what critics have you believe.

I know that ancient Maya or Aztec civilizations played dodge ball with human heads. Who came up with that? First I guess kids were having fun throwing shit at each other. After that the sport caught on but people were getting sick of the ball keep losing air or falling apart. Well crazy ass genius thought hey why bury someone when we can throw their heads at each other.  I just hope they don’t kill someone if they are out of the good heads. I mean how many heads do they go through in practice. And I wonder if the all-star ever signed the winning head for Little Timmy.

Volleyball is another kickass sport. I played it in elementary school but I was pretty much a benchwarmer because the coach hated me. And I hated her too. Once again I think I’m one of the better players but no, the tall guy played just because he’s tall or because she’s in love with this younger player. The same thing happened in basketball. I mean I played in Shamrock and was a leading player. But that was long ago...

All you really need for volleyball is a net and a soft ball. We used to use the soccer nets and a dodgeball I stole. However I think you need knee pads so you can make those daring leaps without adding another scar on your knees. Ahhh, Ohh, aahh. And I love when hot chicks play beachball and you can look at their boob flopping around without feeling like a total creep. And I sound like a creep right now just mentioning that.

Bowling is another kickass sport, if you can call it a sport. I think it’s more like a game. For one thing you don’t have to be in shape like every other sport. You never see a bowler taking steroids or running around town listening to Eye of the Tiger like he’s fucking Rocky. I wonder why people watch bowling on television. I rather watch botchyball. I mean wow he got another strike, good for him. I’m not the best bowler; I try to throw the ball down the center. I even sewer in bumper bowling. But it’s all about the fun and that’s what matters.

Funny story I was bowling with family and friends. There was this all-star bowler in the other lane beside us. He’s got the glove and towel and wipes his ball every roll he makes. Well my cousin accidentally picks up his ball and she says sorry is this your ball? And get this; he says you can’t handle my ball. Who says that to a chick? What a dork. How about getting some friends.

Japanese sumo wrestling is a funny sport. I think it’s the only sport where you have to cram food into you in order to compete. Come on sumo you can eat this stick of butter and this KFC bucket. Maybe it would be cool to be fat on purpose. Or maybe you want to live past your thirties. It must be embarrassing when you’re fighting with another guy wearing only some towel stuck up your ass. And then they are grabbing each others assess and man boobs. I’m curious if sumos get all of the ladies. Again how did this sport come to be? Did two fat guys get in an argument and instead of punching or kicking each other they decide to push each other with their bellies?

Am I one of the only one who thinks any form of racing is just stupid? Especially the tracks that are just one big loop. Wow they are going really fast. Nothing exciting happens except crashes. Sorry that’s kind of disturbing but I find it funny. Hey they seen it coming. What are the sport headlines like? Wow Reggie the Flurry has just made a comeback and he is passing the leader and that’s it Reggie has just won the trophy! Never in the history of Nascar have we seen this. I am excited to be alive to witness what a stunning victory.