Much Music

Back when I was a kid in the 80s my dad drove a white Fiero. The very same car that Ferris Bueller’s sister drove. We still own it. It’s a plastic sports car that my dad wants $3000 for. I doubt he will ever sell it for that much. It has manual windows and a cassette player. Just the other day I was getting rid of all of this junk we have and I threw out his cassettes.

So as a kid I listened to whatever my dad listened to in the car. He liked a mix of 50s 60s, 70s, and 80s music. Such as the Beatles, AC/DC and Madonna. And our favorite band was the Beach Boys. I know all of their songs sound the same and are about uh beaches, but I like them. They’re very upbeat.

I like to listen to different types of music depending on what mood I’m in or what I’m doing. For example whenever I’m going to play some sports I like to listen to Rage Against the Machine to pump me up. It came in handy when I was wrestling in high school or before any hockey game. I’m not going to listen to Cold Play before any physical activity because it will make me sleepy.

If I’m high I like to listen to trippy bands like Pink Floyd. In college at night I used to smoke weed and just lay on my bed listening to Shine On You Crazy Diamond. I also played Shine and Sheep on the jukebox because they’re so long. And I played Wish You Were Here because it’s just an awesome song. The bartender turned it off, didn’t give me back my looney and told me not to play crappy music. Then she put on Sweet Caroline for the millionth time.

I’m sure every Pink Floyd fan knows about playing the album Dark Side of the Moon to the movie Wizard of Oz. What you do is play the CD the second time the lion roars and watch the Wizard of Oz without the sound. Everything is synchronized like when Dorothy is running, the song is describing her running. Or as soon as she arrives in Munchkin Land the munchkins start dancing to the song Money. And you hear the heart beat when the Tin Man gets one.

If I’m sad or lonely I like to listen to Radio Head. Sometimes I like to sit on the bench in the park at night and just cry. Really let it out. Like why I wasn’t I invited to the birthday party when everyone else was invited or why didn’t she love me? Or when I’m thinking of the girl I’m currently stalking, I like to listen to Creep. I’m joking because I’m man and men don’t cry. But not the stalking part.

If I’m in a good mood I like to listen to happy songs. The Salads song Today is Your Lucky Day is a perfect example. I like to smile and think happy thoughts. Goo Goo Dolls and Blink 182 are also very upbeat. And I love one hit wonders. But I’m not going to go out and buy a CD if I only want one or two songs. I’m not going to buy the Baha Men CD when all I want is Who Let the Dogs Out? Wait a sec.

If I’m feeling nostalgic about high school I like to listen to the hit music videos that I listened to when I was in high school. For example whenever I hear the band Six Pence the Richer, it takes me back when I was 16 and I was going to conquer the world. And staying at my parent’s house was okay.  

I remember every time I saw Britney Spears’ first few videos, when she was still smoking hot; I was like Britney is on again! And her tits got bigger? Some stupid but rememberable songs I liked were “You Steal My Sunshine”, that Abercrombie and Fitch song, “My Own Worst Enemy” by Lit and anything by Eve 6.

When I’m in the club everyone likes to listen to pop music. I mean nobody is going to dance to Metallica. Girls don’t like heavy metal. And without girls that’s a pretty gay club. I admit when I’m in the club or home alone I like Katy Perry, Justin Timberlake, Lady Gaga and the Black Eye Peas to name a few. And I’m confident enough to say I like those bands. “Whats this? He likes the Barenaked Ladies. That band isn’t cool. You need to listen to Slipknot to be cool. And really loud with the bass cranked up so people three blocks away can hear it.”

When I’m chilling with the guys in the backyard I like to listen to rap, grunge and classic rock music. I have an old Ipod hooked up to speakers with all my favorite songs. But I got my songs mixed up with my mom’s songs. So I’m drinking some beers with the guys and listening to Pearl Jam, and Tina Turner comes on. And my friend would be like we don’t judge you.

I love classical music in movies. Take the Lord of the Rings or Brave Heart. I love violins, drums, flutes and even cymbals. You’re not going to watch Star Wars to some hardcore punk music. It’s funny in elementary school we had string instruments for music class. I picked the cello because you get to sit down comfortably. And I have no music ability. But my two Asian friends, who actually play the violin, chose the cello. So just I faked it. But I was good at faking it.

I run and walk all of the time and everywhere. And a lot people see me all over the place.  So when I’m walking to the mall for instance I listen to a variety of music on my Ipod. Some of my favorite bands are Blink 182, Green Day, Pink Floyd, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Matthew Goodband, Led Zeppelin, Radio Head, Iron Maiden and my all time favorite band AC/DC. And when I’m running I like to listen to techno like Daft Punk, Gorillaz or XTC. Or my friend Stics’ favorite, Sandstorm by Darude. What a good song for bowling.

And while I’m driving I like to listen to gansta rap to feel tough. I also listen to rap music when I’m in McDonalds around other kids just to piss everyone off. But gansta rap is a dying genre. Now its all like pop music and about hot women. And then there is all of these collaborations with other pop stars like Snoop Dog with Justin Bieber. I can’t feel tough listening to that. And Ice Cube lost all street cred.

I love concerts. It used to be that every summer my city of Sarnia would hold a massive concert called Bayfest that spanned several days. We have actually had Kiss, Motley Crue, Weezer and Areosmith play in my very home town during the rock weekend. They rocked but I was probably too wasted to even hear them. Well this year Bayfest is off for several reasons.

Bayfest made a lot of the money from food and beer vendors. You buy a ticket at the ticket stand and then use your ticket at the beer stand. My cousin realized that you could buy these tickets at any dollar store. So he did that next year. They had a great deal; buy one beer for $5 or five for $25. And you spill half your beer trying to get out. But I did get like twenty tickets for $5 from some drunk fat chick. I guess she wanted money for a hotdog.

I don’t like big crowds and bumping into people. And I don’t like old people asking to buy weed from me because I reeked of it. They kept saying I’m not a cop and told them I’m not a petty drug dealer. And I hate getting lost in the crowd even though I thought my friends were across the hotdog stand and beside the one tree. And they think it’s hilarious when they are looking right at me.

Then we have the country weekend. I couldn’t believe that so many people love country. For the most part I hate country music, line dancing and cowboys. There is a but. There are some country and quasi country videos on Much Music that I like. Such as Mumford and Sons: I Will Wait. I love the banjo. I also like Lady Antebellum: I Need You Now. And the odd Eagles song. If they’re considered country.

Finally here is my classic Bayfest story. I tell this story all of the time because it is hilarious. But me and Stics are the only ones who fully appreciate it. Back in the day at the concert you could leave and come back in only if you have a stamp and ticket.

This was when Stics used to smoke weed with me. We were already stoned and thought hey lets go out and smoke some more. Then outside the concert I check all of my pockets and I panic when I couldn’t find my ticket. Stics says to use this stub he found on the ground. So we get to the entrance and Stics goes in and I try to sneak in right behind him. And the bouncer stops me and says “wait one second,” and he checks my stamp. I get in and it was like out of a movie.

But my other friends say this is a stupid story because they only check the stamps. It doesn’t matter though. And to top it off, when we were driving home I dared myself to pick up this fat drunk native hitchhiker. She was wasted and we dropped her off in the middle of fucking nowhere. I hope she got back to the reserve and wasn’t raped.