I Learned to Read

So my mom always bugs me to sit down and read a good novel. I tell her that if a picture is worth a thousands words then a movie must be worth a million! But Greg you have to use your imagination. It is true that I have a crazy imagination but I’m too lazy. How good would Star Wars be if it was a novel? You might have the Narrator describing how terrifying the rancor is or how hot Leia is in her metal bikini.

Remember your parents reading you bedtime stories before you go to bed? I’d ask a lot of questions. My mom would be then lived happily ever after. At which point I was suppose to fall asleep. But no I would be then what happened? Well Greg the prince and princess had children and they lived happily ever after. Then what happened?

My favorite child hood book had to be Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day. Or the one where he gets his fat ass stuck in a hole. I use to laugh at his name Pooh. Ha Pooh. They never do show Winnie getting stung a thousand times when he is trying to get some honey. I never quite remember if everyone can see the animals or just Christopher Robin. I love all the characters; you get Rabbit, Tiger, Piglet, the mole, Owl and poor Eeyore. I never understood why the donkey was a totally buzz kill but I felt sorry for him.

Remember the Bookmobile? That’s classic, it was a library on wheels. We didn’t go to the library; it came to us! I think the only books I read were about dinosaurs because well I like dinosaurs and there were hardly any words. Obviously the R-Rex is kicks ass. Roar!

One of my book reports was on one of those Choose Your Own Adventure. It made completely no sense at all. My report ends with something like you choose to cross the road and get hit by a bus. I was also contemplating on doing a book report on Where’s Waldo. I’ve mention this before but I did such a good book report on the Hobbit that I pretty much used the same report in grade nine and ten.

My parents have a billion and twenty six books on our book shelves. Half are behind the first row and pretty much inaccessible. We should have our own library. We have all of these encyclopedias which are completely useless now with the internet. On a good day I might take me five minutes to look up something whereas all I have to do is Google it or look up Wikipedia

However I do enjoy reading magazines. At one point I had subscriptions to Maxim, FHM and Stuff. And I actually read all of the articles and not just look at hot chicks. Then as soon as I go back to school my mom throws them away. My uncle gave us old National Geographic magazines with those articles about native tribes and I see my first boobs.

I go to the Library with my mom sometimes and look at the movies. They actually had Borat, which is hilarious. And my mom has to keep reminding me not too be so loud, and I’ll be WHAT! I had to go when we did book reports on say Buffalo or Bison and the other group doing the same project as us take out all of the books. This was a time we didn’t have the internet. I always wonder how much late fees arte at the Library are. Well sir you haven’t returned your novel for six years and you owe a thousand dollar late fee.