Public Drunkenness

As a kid I wondered what my dad was drinking and if I could have some. I had a sip and thought it was the disgusting drink I ever had and I wondered why my dad was drinking it. I never really knew what being drunk was. I recall my parents having guests over and they were acting all silly. In fact when I heard you can’t drink and drive I thought you couldn’t have hold onto a beverage while using the steering wheel. So my dad gets a coffee and I’m like dad you can\t drink and drive.

It wasn’t until grade 10 that we started drinking. I never knew why me and my friends took so long to try it. I was curious but I thought I was underage. So we were at a party and this guy asks if we wanted to do shots and we were like sure. So I also had a beer and later funneled one and all in one night. It was a weird sensation and I wanted to do it again.

Remember how drunk you’d get after four beers? That was awesome. So I fell in love with booze. The problem was that I was broke. I would steal my dad’s liquor and fill the bottles with water or get my brother to get the cheapest beer possible.

So yeah I had some awesome times and some bad times. I use to love getting drunk and going for drunk walks and having drunk conversations getting all philosophical or rating how hot chicks are. The most fun part was sneaking into bed after a party and having those lucid dreams. Sure I can get beer any time I want but part of the allure of underage drinking was underage drinking.

And I had some bad times too. You would think after puking a dozen times I would learn my lesson. But no. Here’s some advice for the younger crowd. There is nothing wrong with getting wasted at your friend’s place and puking because you are with your friends and can clean it up. However you don’t want to get too drunk at bigger parties and pass out, especially when you hardly know them. I’ve done this a billion times. Part of me wants to get drunk so that I lose inhibitions and try to be outgoing and funny.

So I love getting drunk with my friends but I’m getting old now and we don’t party like we used to. I hardly ever drink liquor unless everyone is doing shots or I need to catch up. I find beer gives you a better and healthier buzz. I like the actual process of drinking for something to do. And you can pace yourself and not too drunk too quick. I prefer going to pubs over clubs now because I don’t embrace the dance. I hate dancing and I have no clue how to move for a whole hour.

The problem is that once I start drinking I don’t stop unless I run out of beer. I forgot the details but me and Stics had a code word that we must remember to make sure we’re not too drunk. The code was action pact super container. If you can’t remember you’re cut off. Here is a tip, if a cop pulls you over, don’t say you had any thing to drink, even if you had only one beer because they’d have to test you then and you don’t get any brownie points for being honest. I can’t even say the alphabet backwards sober. The problem is that it takes me more to get drunk now. So four beers for me is like only two beers for the average person.

Here are a few funny stories about drinking; but they’re more about inside jokes. The first time I got really drunk was at the Pinery during May 24 and it was a dry weekend and you couldn’t sneak beer past the gates. We had the brilliant idea of canoeing two 24 packs of beer down the river into the park and we were the only ones with any liquor. It’s funny that we hid a two four in the ditch of a street called

Cold Storage Road

. Anyway we went to a concert and were drinking in the parking lot. I only had five beers but I was smashed. I was trying to cart wheels or walking in a line. Good times.

The think the first time I puked was when I went to a small gathering of friends. I was a complete fool, walked home, had some Chef Boyardee and puked it right away. I tried to clean it up and then puked again. The next day I felt like shit and I thought I learned my lesson. I didn’t.

The worst hangover was at my own house party. We all bought fighting fish and put them into what I called the Thunderbowl. My fish won. I was having a fun time and I drank a ridiculous amount of liquor and then I smoked a big joint. And then I went upstairs and puked everywhere. It was horrible; I felt like I was on pirate boat and everything was moving and shit. It was so bad my mom made everyone leave. The next two days were hell.

The first time blackout was at the bar. I’d tell you what happened but I blacked out and everything was hazy.  I recall having some beer and that was it. It was like the movie the hangover. Apparently we hit the bars and the strippers and I got a lap dance and then we partied at some dudes’ place.. I wake up and was like what the fuck happened? Did I do or say something stupid? It was scary because I had no recollection of any thing that happened. I have done this a dozen times.

I also remember one New Year’s Eve I did shrooms. Stics was way too drunk way too fast and we were all messing with him. At one point he said Greg, you have to help me. I also heard one time Foley pasted out and we shaved one of his eyebrows right before grad pictures. The good thing about waking up at two is that it’s almost okay to start drinking a few hours later. Ah fuck it it’s twelve already, time to drink some beers.