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I have never been to a real circus and I never will. One thing is that I’m terrified of clowns. They are scary and creepy and I don’t find them funny at all. Wow the clown puts on a shitload of makeup and wears clothes way too big for him; that’s hysterical! My mom on the other hand would love to go see Circus De Soleil and watch those French acrobats do crazy ass performances.
Back in the day the traveling circus would come to you. Not really anymore. I mean setting up the huge tents must be a bitch. The tents have to fit an audience and be large enough for the trapeze artists. The ringmaster is the presenter of the circus and likes to introduce the acts. He is like the foreman and doesn’t really do much. He’s not trying to tame lions or swinging across a hundred feet in the air.
Do trapeze artists have nets or what in case they fall? They would have to at one point while they were training. I remember way back I’d practice at the park to cross along those rings, but when I fall it’s only four feet. And now because kids are pussies they got rid of them.
I wonder who first thought of tight rope. These people are fucking nuts! I recall one insane guy cross the Niagara Falls
The lion tamer has huge balls. Lions do not make good pets and a lion could easily just lose it and attack the trainer. I don’t think the trainers are eligible for life insurance. What happens if some hungry lions got loose and started attacking the audience? There’s a class action lawsuit for the Ringling Brothers.
Lions, tigers, bears oh my. Circus’ also use a lot of other animals in the show. Animal rights activists and PETA have protested the use of these animals as animal cruelty. Sure it’s mean to whip them or make them go through hoops of fire. But I don’t think an elephant really gives a shit. I have no clue how they get a fucking bear on a ball but that looks pretty cool.
Jugglers are pretty neat. I can only juggle two balls at once while they can do like ten. I like when they get crazy and juggle swords. But unicyclists don’t really impress me. I’m sure it’s a bitch to balance on a wheel but it’s boring. As you know it’s like riding a unicycle.
And then there is the freak show, but the word freak is a bit insulting. I rather call them normally challenged. I don’t know if being in a freak show is demeaning or do they don’t give a fuck and might as well make money out of there misfortune.
There used to be the fat lady when people weren’t so fat. Seriously I now see fatter women in Wal-Mart driving their wheel chairs, so it’s not really an attraction anymore. Maybe if they had really huge boobs I would go see.
The sword sallower is an idiot. When exactly did he decide hey I suck at everything else why not shove sharp objects down my throat and hope I don’t die. I’m sure he began with plastic knives or a stick but how crazy would it be to try sword swallowing for the first time. I mean you could either choke yourself or cut vital organs. And for what, nobody really gives a shit anyway.
It must suck when women have to shave their mustache or chin. If that was me I would spend a lot of money to get laser therapy. And then there is the bearded lady. They have bigger beards than I do. At one point do you become eligible to become the bearded lady? Well those chin hairs are totally gross but not gross enough, try some testerone.
There is the lobster boy with his lobster hands and feet. Imagine what it would be like to have claws. You could never play the violin or video games. In fact it would be a bitch to drink beer or even jerk yourself off. However if anyone need scissors; he’s your man. I rather just cut my useless claws off and go with some prosthetic hands and maybe a megaman laser.
And then there is Carrot Top.
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