The Legends of Zelda

Zelda! Where the Fuck are You?!

My favorite video games have to be the Zelda series. Zelda is the perfect combination of solving puzzles, quests and action. And saving Hyrule from the clutches of the evil Gannon and obtaining the all powerful Triforce.

I know you all love that adventure music. You know what I’m talking about.

The original Zelda for the Nintendo Entertainment System was a milestone in gaming history. Before that most games where on a single screen or just really lame, like Qubert. And you couldn’t tell what the fuck these pixels were; like Space Invaders. Most people didn’t own an Atari or a Commodore and hit the arcade instead. Sure Pacman was fun at the arcade because you want to get the high score. We had it a home and it got boring in an hour. And I was very easily amused as a kid. I think I had more fun playing with a balloon.

Zelda was one of the first games where you can save your progress, buy items and just have an epic adventure. And for whatever reason you can shoot energy beams out of your sword when you have full life. The puzzles were not too difficult. Some all you do is move a block or press a switch. The first time around was the most difficult because it can get pretty tricky. So unless you subscribed to Nintendo Power or know MacGyver you might be stuck forever.

Such as when you have to go through a maze to get to the seventh dungeon. I got my cousin to help me out. Spoiler Alert! All you do is just go straight eight times. And I recall finding the master sword right away in the cemetery. However when you finally do defeat Gannon with the blue arrow, or whatever, you unlock a completely new adventure that’s much much harder. I never did finish it.

Remember all of the creatures? There was that giant hand that picks you up and sends you to the entrance of the dungeon. There were these fucking maggot things that would eat your shield. There were those annoying spider things that jump around, the damn zora water creatures and the hog guys from Return of the Jedi.

Zelda 2: Links Adventure was the weirdest one of them all. The what I call the adventure view showed the Zelda world top down. You travel around to get to places and if you veer off the pathways you get these monsters that try to catch you. But in the towns and dungeons you move side scrolling just like Mario.

Link’s adventure is the only one where you gain experience. The hardest part is just getting to the last dungeon. I love fighting your own shadow. And I really love the slimes, especially the giant one. I actually feel like playing it right now on my DS! So watch out Gannon I’m coming after you!

Zelda A Link to the Past was a top, maybe the best, video game for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System. I never had so much fun. It took a while for me to beat it and my mom thought I could be doing something more productive with my time. But mom, I’m saving Princess Zelda and Hyrule. My mom would be: Zelda what? The graphics and music were great; I love that mystical sound when you do something right like opening a treasure or getting the allusive heart container. I also love when the chickens go crazy or when you capture a bee and let it loose on the bad guys.

Zelda Orcina of Time has to be one of the all time greatest video games, all time. It pushed the boundaries of the Nintendo 64 and was the first one where you can ride a horse. I found it rather easy to beat, maybe because I had a Zelda player’s guide; but it was so much fun doing it. The weapons were kick ass like the hook shot or the bow and arrow. Or riding the horse and using the bow and arrow.  And like any suicide bomber I love blowing things up with my bombs. Of course the elf village was very much like the Peter Pan’s lost boys village. Only not as gay.