I have heard that dentist have one of the highest rates of suicides. Probably because nobody likes going to the dentist. I know that I don’t look forward to getting metal things gouging my teeth and making me put that gross stuff in my mouth. I think another job I wouldn’t want would be an urologist. Seriously you spend your day looking at dicks and telling people that they got hepatitis. But I bet they make a shitload of money.
Take care of your teeth because once you loose them you can’t grow them back and you don’t want dentures. Imagine how annoying that would be when you’re trying new Strident gum or trying to open a beer with your mouth. I do know people who have lost a tooth. One of my brother’s friends can take it out and put it back in again. Personally I’d get a gold tooth. And I know many hockey players who have lost their teeth. Hey wear a mouth guard and a full shield.
As a kid I was told I have wonderful teeth but I used to actually fake brushing my them. I would go through more trouble not brushing my teeth. I would turn the tap on and wait how long it’d take if I actually brushed them. I ate a lot of candy and anything with sugar like skittles and tropical skittles. My mom would say that I have the nicest smile. And my mom is so cheap that she will not throw out the tooth paste until every last drop is gone.
One day Mr. Molar came to school and taught us all about our teeth. He handed out tooth brushes and some books all about our teeth. So I went home and did what Mr. Molar said to do. I was so proud to tell my mom that I didn’t have any cavities. Now no longer, I have many. However I never needed braces. Sure it’s kind of cute for a girl to have them but no guy wants to look like Jaws from James Bond.
Then I fucked up my teeth as I got older. I never flossed and when I did my gums would bleed like Hell. I was stressed out in high school and would grind my teeth like crazy. I was given a mouth piece, pretty much a mouth guard, which I used for two weeks. Very uncomfortable. I also started using mouth wash and not realize you are supposed to spit it out.
So I hate going to the dentist. They are always talking to you about their life or that their cat is sick and all you can do is nod or mumble. They are always asking you to out your mouth wider and it can’t get any wider. I really hate those teeth tools like the scraper or the stabber. And I used to get so sick because of that cream shit they put in your mouth that I actually threw up a couple of times.
So the dentist said I’d better brush like crazy because I teeth are wearing our. They are sharp as Hell, food gets stuck in them and my own acid is eating away at my teeth. And my frequent coffee drinking is staining them. My mom bought me an ultra sonic automatic brush and Crest because it tastes better.
So a while ago one of my wisdom teeth was crooked and I needed to get it removed. Well they put me under. The anesthesiologist (big word of the day) counted down three, two and bam I was under. I wake and I am delirious. I asked if it is over but I could barely talk or drink or anything.
Do you remember when you started to lose your baby teeth? I think I lost one eating taffy or another one eating an apple. My parents never really warned me that everyone loses their teeth. I was trilled to find out about the Tooth Fairy and if you put a tooth under your pillow he or she would take it and replace it with money while you sleep. This now seems a bit creepy. I remember asking my friends how much money they got. I’d get a quarter while other kids got more. Everyone should agree on how much money the tooth fairy should give. I wonder what would happen if little Timmy didn’t tell his parents he lost a tooth and he wakes up to find it is still under his pillow. Spoiler alert! I forget when I found out that the Tooth Fairy wasn’t real but like the Easter Bunny I couldn’t really give a shit.
Anyway I’m just a little short on cash and I really don’t need all my teeth. So I’m going to take out a tooth and put it under my pillow and set up a trap for this allusive fairy and steal all of his money. Then it’s off to the casino.
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