The Arcade

Video Game Machines

Kids today are so spoiled with their Wiis, Xbox 360s and cell phones. They have ultra realistic graphics, motion sensor controllers with a dozen buttons.  They play a lot of Call of Duty and GTA. And the games are relativity cheap.

I was one of the first kids to have my very own video game system: the Atari! At the time the Atari was a high tech device and very expensive. The controller was a joystick stick with one or two buttons. And you could barely make out what a bunch of pixels were supposed to be. Me and my brother’s favorite games were Moon Patrol and Space Invaders.

I grew up in the 80s when people couldn’t afford to have their own household video games. So the action was at the arcade. The games were very simple but loads of fun. Pac Mac and Pac Chick are probably the most notorious arcade games. All you do is eat corn puffs and runaway from ghosts. Simple but additive. I own it at home but it wasn’t as fun. Part of the allure was trying to get a high score and leaving your name on the high score board. I usually leave funny names like ASS, GOD, PEE and STD.

One of my top arcade games was the Simpsons one. They had all of the characters and four people can play at the same time. Me and a friend finally beat it after a million quarters. I mean you get hit once by Mr. Burns and it costs another quarter. All for what?

The worst is when you run out of quarters and there is the whole continuation clock. It’s counting down and you are franticly searching for another quarter. Noooo its too late! Imagine you could play Zelda; you would need a second mortgage to beat it.

I like to play racing games in a booth with a steering wheel and pedal. What really pisses me off is when you run out of time. Assholes! That’s not fair. I think a Mario Kart arcade game or a drunk driver game would be fun.

I loved to play those Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles games where you and three others can play. I would pick Michelangelo, not actually kill anyone and keep stealing all of the pizzas. “Damn you Greg, I have no health and I needed that. You dick face!”

Shooting games are still loads of fun. I faintly recall one where you are a cop and must shoot the robbers while not killing the hostages. It was fun. They should make something like that for the Wii where I can use my rifle I got for a hunting game. Great practice for hunters, rednecks or bank robbers.

The most addictive arcade game for me was Street Fighter 2. They had it at the Kiwki Mart by my home and I would spend my whole allowance to play each weekend. I always used Dhalsim because he has the farthest reach. I also like the Brazilian guy with his electrical powers or Guile with his sonic boom boomerang.

And after spending like $40 you could play it on the Super Nintendo as many times as you want and face your friends. I’d use the low kick and keep tripping my opponent while he can’t get up. What bothers me is how they could possibly fuck up the movie. It should have been like Blood Sport. I hope they make a good movie sometime.

Mortal Kombat is another famous fighting game. Mortal Kombat! It’s much darker and graphic than Street Fighter. There was almost too much blood. The best part is when you have to Finish Him. I was never good at it because the moves are way too complicated for me. They were like up down a up left b up right a. I love Scorpion because I can actually pull off his special move where he throws a spear at the guy and says “get over here!”

Super Mario was introduced in Donkey Kong where a gorilla is taking Mario’s bitch and decides to throw barrels at the plumber. Strange but fun nonetheless. I never actually killed Donkey Kong, so when you do kill him do you do the whole thing all over again? Mario has a problem with his women keep getting kidnapped. He should never leave her side again.

Sometimes there are games other than video games. I’m pretty decent at the basketball game. I like the claw games too. I play it all the time just for fun. I have accidentally grabbed some shitty prizes like a banana or fish. But I have caught Marvin the Martian and a bulbasaur. Bulabasaur! Too I can’t find my pet pokemon; I think somebody I know threw it out. But who?

Skeeball is good fun. I remember a friend cheated buy climbing on it and repeatedly throwing the ball in the 50pts slot and winning like a million tickets. Good thing nobody found out. So you have all of these tickets to exchange for prizes. Too bad the prizes sucked. I think they were like fake glasses, silly putty or a Janet Jackson tape.