Honey I Shrunk the Kids

So I was looking at some old VHS tapes at this store and spotted Honey I Shrunk the Kids. I had to get it and what a trippy movie it is. Unless you lived under a rock you might have heard of it. It’s an 80s classic; Rick Moranis is hilarious.

He constructs some shrinking ray that accidentally shrinks his and the neighbor kids. Moranis loses his grant and just flips out on the ray. And when he cleans the mess he accidentally throws the kids in the garbage. The kids must find their way through the backyard to the house while Moranis is searching for them.

There is the Thompson kids, the older brother Russell and the funny brother Ron. And there is the Szalinski kids Amy and the complete dork Nick. Together they must travel through the backyard in a world over their heads. Haha. It’s really cool seeing them in a world where everything tiny ends up being gigantic. Just like world four in Super Mario Bros 3.

Amy always complains. They’re shrunk and their lives are in peril and all Amy cares about is getting back so she can go to mall and hook up with some dude. But I knew she would fall for Russell because I’m a genius.

It would be awesome to be small for a day. It would be cool going down grass slides and smoking gigantic pot. I love when they start to eat a gigantic cookie. Mmmm. I mean one skittle would last me weeks. But as they start to eat they attract an ant and try to kill it. But they offer part of the cookie and befriend the ant even though there still is huge cookie lying there.

I would piss my pants seeing a huge ant. Their friends with the ant and they face a scorpion. The ant dies and Ron scares the scorpion away. And they’re all sad about a damn ant that they knew for like five minutes. I step and spit on them all of the time for fun. Haha ants I am a god!

Moranis finds out and then tells his wife “honey I fucked up, the kids might be dead.” I think she took it well actually. So the parents try to find them without touching the ground. Me and my friends used to do that on the equipment in the park.

Then he accidentally hits the sprinklers and almost kills the kids. Amy falls into a puddle of mud and Russell somehow manages to see her and rescue her in thick mud. And I’m like yes! Right on! Who’s getting laid tonight? And they might or might not have had sex in a Lego piece.

Then the neighborhood kid comes to cut the lawn with a remote control lawn mower. Am I the only one who finds that incredibly dangerous? First off if you see Moranis in the yard the grass is already short. And the kid isn’t going even cutting it right; all he does is randomly cut it in circles instead of going back and forth. And what happens if the lawn mower is coming right at little Timmy and won’t stop?

The kids find one of Thompson’s cigarettes and decide to use pieces of it as torches. Have they even heard of second hand smoke? They would be inhaling dangerous amounts of tobacco and they would probably cough like crazy until they are spitting out blood. Seriously.

My favorite part is when Nick is in a bowl of Cheerios and his dad is about to eat him. So when I’m eating my Lucky Charms I make sure I’m not eating any shrunken people. With the dogs help they finally find the kids. They test it on Thompson and he doesn’t explode. However I think he might have cancer and low sperm count. And then they finally unshrink the kids and everything is money.

I guess Moranis becomes a billionaire with his machine because he can blow up anything and feed millions. What would you do with that power? I would use it on myself to become a giant super hero. I would help mankind in return of anything I want. I would fight other giants like Godzilla or Rosie Odonnell. But I would be lonely and would need a giant companion.

The moral of the story is that you have to be very careful with shrink rays of any kind. I learned that the hard way. I was in my shed and where I was secretly doing experiments and I accidentally shrunk myself. I had to get inside my house. But because there isn’t any grass in my back yard it wasn’t so hard except being in danger of anything bigger than me. So I climbed up onto my dad’s cell phone and press some buttons.

When my dad found me he couldn’t hear he me and he didn’t know how to operate my machine. It was very frustrating. We had to get some scientist that understood molecular translanting opular dynamics. My ray worked but I destroyed it in case it ever got into the wrong hands. So now I’m secretly working on replicators but my $50 allowance isn’t enough to cover the costs. I tried to get a loan but had no credit history.