The Avengers

The Avenges is an awesome movie. I was never a big fan; I like the X-Men more.  But I loved the movie. I saw Thor before this movie and knew his background. Thor was better than I thought it would be.

Thor is from norse mythology. He lives in a distant galaxy and apparently he is an immortal god with ultra powers. He wields a kickass Hammer and he has a cape. And he is in very good shape.

His evil brother Loki has found a portal to Earth and is plotting something evil. Loki makes a deal with aliens know as the “chitauri” by getting them some energy crystal in return for helping him enslave Earth.

Shield is a research facility where they accidentally opened a portal and allow Loki to invade. So they assemble a pack of super heroes and become the Avengers. There is Thor, Iron Man, Captain American, Hulk, Black Widow and Hawkeye.

I never even heard of Hawkeye. His weapon is bow and apparently he is the greatest marksman and sniper. I rather just own a gun. I mean is he Robin Hood or something? Working for Shield he gets hypnotized right off the bat and becomes a villain.

I never heard of Black Widow either. I thought she was a Spiderman villain. I mean isn’t a black widow a spider? She is a top spy from the Soviet Union. I don’t know what her powers are. I guess feminist and equal opportunity people demanded a chick.

The Hulk kicks some serious ass. As you know whenever Bruce Banner becomes angry he turns into the Hulk. He can’t control the Hulk when he goes into a fit of rage. I guess once the Hulk calms down he goes back into being Banner.

Hey Banner carry some Prozac or marijuana or something to calm you down before you know you will become upset. He keeps ripping his clothes. I suggest wearing a spandex leotard. And do you notice that the Hulk is always wearing purple pants? Doesn’t Banner ever wear jeans or jogging pants?

I would hate that power. It would get really, really annoying. I will be playing Zelda and get end up dying before I could save. And then I become the Hulk and smash my T.V. and throw the Nintendo out the window. Then I calm down. And then I realize I broke the Nintendo and become the Hulk again. Wouldn’t that be an annoying cycle?  

Captain America is the result of an experiment of turning a sissy Steve Rogers into a super solider with many strengths such as speed, agility and reflexes. He fights during WWII and gets frozen and unthawed to present day.

As you may guess, he is very patriotic and wears the stripes and stars. Even his boxers have the stars on it. Middle Easterners hate him. His weapon is an indestructible shield made from “vibranium.” He likes to throw the shield but I’m not sure how he gets it back. Or is like a boomerang? I mean he throws it at someone in the chest and then he has to walk over and grab it from the dead body and clean the blood off his shiny shield.

Tony Stark is the Iron Man. He is one of the only heroes that doesn’t have a secret identity. This is very convenient because he doesn’t have to hide his identity and change in a phone booth. By the way where does Superman change now that everyone has a cell phone? In fact he flaunts it. Like Batman he is genius billionaire only he lives in a skyscraper. He Iron suit seems indestructible and he can fly and shoot missiles. My question is, is it the only one? Couldn’t he make more and amass an army of Iron Men? Being famous he must get some serious poontang.

I want in. I will do anything to become an member. Only I need to find a way to get a super power. I tried a couple of things. I tried eating uranium. I tried shooting a ray gun at myself. I tried getting bit by an array radioactive bugs. Except spiders, that was already taken.