My birthday is coming up on May 30th, the best day on Earth. Millions rejoice and go out to the streets to celebrate the day I was born. Lore has it that one day I will save the world from nuclear annihilation and evil robots. And you know what really fucks with your mind? I’m turning 30 on the 30th and the stars will align.
Hmm, no. My birthday is on a Wednesday and everyone I know is either working the following day or don’t really care. Unless my brother drops by, the only partying I will be doing is getting drunk alone and watching the O.C. It’s a good show and not gay, so screw you all you nay sayers.
I want to go to the Chinese buffet for dinner. I wrote an earlier blog all about Chinese food. They lose money when I eat there. (In Chinese) “This is no man but bottomless beasts.” I should ask them to sing happy birthday to me in Chinese. That would be funny.
I love cake! My mom doesn’t cook cake for no reason unlike Stic’s mom. So I am craving my Betty Cocker (gay) with vanilla icing and rainbow sprinkles. I love icing so much as a kid I would eat it right out of the container. Good thing I don’t have diabetes. Yet.
Your first and second birthday is like your last birthday. You don’t even know its your birthday nor do you any of the people that came. We have pictures of my third birthday when I somehow put (clean) underwear on everyone’s head. Apparently it was hilarious.
As I got older I would invite everyone I knew, even kids I didn’t like, so I would get more presents. My parties were fun. My mom would have all of these games to play for prizes and we would have those gift bags when it was over. Sleepovers were awesome because we could stay up all night and drink soda. Sleepovers now is me past out on the ground lying in my own Kraft dinner vomit.
I would ask for money when I was a kid but now that I think of it that’s kind of lame. There’s no surprise there. Of course I loved getting Lego. I did get fake shit one time. And I would get shitty games like operation. They should make an operation with Fifty Cent where you have to take out bullets and drugs out of his body.
But I would love when my relatives gave me cards. I would open it and read the lame card and check for the money. Yes it’s a bear saying Happy Bear Day. Then you stopped having parties and getting money with the cards.
This year I’m asking my parents to get me the latest Final Fantasy and Saint Row 3 for X-Box 360. Even though I know I will probably never get around to playing them and most likely put it on the shelf unopened. I might also get this gadget that I have heard of where you can transfer VHS tapes onto DVDs. And I’m asking my brother to get me a new hat. My current one is white and has visible sweat stains.
So yes its goodbye twenties and hello thirties. I had a mid life crisis when I was 17. And then I started to really panic when I turned twenty. But I’m lucky I have made it this far without getting killed. Every day for me is chess match with death. Just the other day I swerved out of the way of a stupid but cute squirrel. Good thing nobody was around.
Time seems to go so much faster as you get older. My childhood seemed to last a life time. Hmm, I mean it seemed really long. As a child I thought I would never grow up as if I was lost boy. You are the happiest in your early teens and you never realize how good you used to look. And then it’s all downhill from there.
Not much has happened in my twenties. It’s almost like a blur. Sure life is good but I get into a routine. I wake up about twelve and get an X-large triple triple at Tims. I will play video games in the afternoon. I will have a nap before and after supper and then spend the night drinking beer in front of the idiot box. The only time I got out to do something exciting is play hockey or poker.
I think I accepted my own mortality but I think I should live my life fuller. That’s Carpe Diem. I think we should all smoke a joint every once in a while and reflect on life. What do you want to accomplish? What are your goals in life and what truly makes you happy. You should try something new every once in a while. Today I tried an apple Jones soda.
I really want a jet pack for my birthday so I hope everyone I know will chip in to get me one. You can mail your check to “jetapackgreg” all one word. And I take Visa. Anyway you’re only old as you feel. So this Wednesday I plan on getting drunk and feeling as five year old.
No comments:
Post a Comment