Top Ten Worst Jobs

I find it funny that people way smarter than me are working minimum wage jobs. As of now I’m enjoying my reverse retirement. I plan to enjoy my youth and start work when I’m 60. Here are my ten top worst jobs that I would never want to do.

1: Garbage Man

I don’t know how much garbage men make. They must make a decent wage considering people need to throw out their trash. I wouldn’t be able to be one if I tried. I’m not strong enough to grab trash cans all day every day. It would suck balls doing it in the winter. Imagine how cold your hands would get and you come home just reeking of stench. I wonder if garbage men ever keep stuff people throw out. “Hey Chuck this wooden chair would make the perfect bonfire.” “Who would throw out a perfectly fine Betamax?”

2: Referee

A referee can never be right. I always hear angry fans asking the ref where his glasses are. “I’m wearing contacts. Checkmate” I have witnessed one player checking another player who wasn’t even close to the play. And the parents complain. I could never be able to stand up to people. “Whistle!  Tripping.” “What did he do? It wasn’t tripping at all.” “Okay fine, no penalty.”

3: Casino Dealer

As you all know I’m unable shuffle and deal cards. “Whoops I dealt him three cards, um don’t look at your hand, I have to re-deal.” “Hey asshole I had a pair of Aces!” I would find it depressing to work at a casino because you see people losing a fortune everyday.  And people always try to win back their money. But that comes with the territory. I heard someone on the school board stole over a 100000 and lost it all at the casino. She plead she was a gambling addict and I’m thinking how could that possibly happen. You would think she, the manager or someone would put an end to this after $5000.

4: Farmers

My mom’s side of the family were farmers and I have a million relatives. I have cousins that I have never even met. I would hate to be a farmer because I’m lazy and like to sleep in. I did work at one farm picking pickles and stuff for three days and then quit because my back was sore and my hands hurt. I would hate milking the cows and shoveling shit. It would be cool though if I could have my own horse. And I’m curious about what farmers do in the winter? I guess they just get drunk and play Yahtzee.

5: Jail Guard

I don’t know if jail guards have shift work or what. They spend their whole day with rapists and murders. I hope guards have a good time yelling at people all day. “Hi honey, those cupcakes was good. I told one pedophile to go molest himself. And there was another raping in the shower. Haha”

6: Janitor

I wonder who decides to be a janitor. They should get paid more if they do something that nobody else wants to do. How hard is it to find a better job? All you do is clean toilets and mop the floor. I don’t think they get dental or a good pension. They must live in the ghetto because they can’t afford shit all. But their homes would be spotless.

7: Plumber

A plumber is like a janitor only they come to you’re house and work with your toilets. What a shitty job! Haha, I’m hilarious! “The problem here is that you took a monster shit and it has plugged the toilet. Next time take smaller shits more often.” You know what would be cool is to have your own urinal. Do you remember the movie Trainspotting where he dives into the worst toilet in Scotland to get his drugs? It was funny.

8: McDonalds

Ever notice that woman who work at McDonalds are insanely obese. I’m trying not to make fun of fat chicks but come on when did you give up a normal life for food? I guess it has to do with the fact that they don’t move around and are surrounded food all day. Hmm I want a Big Mac right now! And they are always busy. Funny I’m at McDonalds asked for a whopper. And the lady is like we don’t serve whoppers. And I’m like what? You don’t have whoppers? And she is like your are probably thinking of Burger King. “Oh I mean I want a Big Mac. Just the sandwich, for here, and a glass of water please”

9: Palace Guards

I could never be one of those silent guards that can’t move or talk. What happens if your nose is really itchy or you have to go the bathroom? Imagine the insanity of just standing there all day. How would you pass the time? All you can do is day dream and check out hot chicks. What kind of training do they do? And what happens if they actually need them. “Guards there is a robbery!” “Look we don’t carry guns and the only training we did is to stand here and not say anything.” I would listen to my Ipod that I would hide in my tall hat.

10: Urologist

There is always a demand for doctors; especially ones specializing in some field. You have medical doctors, psychiatrist, ear and throat doctors, dentist, and so on. By the way I don’t consider chiropractors to be real doctors. There is definitely a huge demand for urologist because nobody wants to look at or handle dicks all day. But I’m sure they make tons of cash. However the doctor never comes home and tells his wife how his day went. “How was your day honey?” “Oh the same old. I saw many penises today. I had to break the news that some guy had herpes. Wow was that awkward.”