What Women Want

Top Ten Things I Don’t Understand About Women

I’m glad I’m a guy because women go through so much trouble to look good. They have to shave their legs, underarms and sometimes their mustache. And because of this they are always late. All us guys have to do is shave our beards. I think mustaches look gay. So here are the top ten things I don’t understand about women.

(1) Nobody likes unibrows, but that doesn’t mean you should shave them off completely. When you have eyebrows that look like you drew with a pencil you look stupid. I never liked my own eyebrows because they’re so bushy. So I suggest trimming them. Funny I remember back in high school Kevin passed out and we shaved one of his eyebrows right before pictures.

(2) Whoever came up with the idea of high heels? They look so uncomfortable. I understand that it makes short girls look taller but I don’t know how you can walk around with them. And they make those annoying click sounds. I mean you’re running away from a serial killer but you have to be careful not to trip and taking them off is out of question.

(3) Speaking of high heels I don’t know why woman have an obsession over shoes. My mom has like fifty of them for every occasion. “Oh these are my Thanksgiving shoes that go well with my beige dress, and oh these are my shoes for a rainy day.” And why do women want smaller feet?

(4) I hate dancing so much. In fact I loath it. I never learned how to dance and I look like an idiot when I try. I just don’t know what to do for hours at a time. And I think I speak for every guy that we don’t like to dance. We only like girls. You never hear a guy say hey dudes no girls tonight, let’s just dance.

(5) There is nothing wrong with wearing sun glasses; they protect you from UV light and evil sun rays. Sometimes you look rad like a jetfighter pilot or a poker player. But I don’t know why girls wear those huge glasses that block most of their face. You look like a bug and I wonder if you can get tan lines.

(6) I don’t understand why woman have purses. I suffice with a wallet and my pant pockets. What possibly do they need in them? You got a mini wallet, makeup, taser, condoms, dungeon keys, tampons, guitar lessons phone numbers, chap stick and a piece of the Triforce.

(7) I never liked long nails either. I’m a biter and especially when I’m nervous. You need some if you want to open stuff like a DVD or scratch a lottery ticket. But when they grow so long you look like a cat or Wolverine that will claw you.

(8) I find makeup to be hilarious. Little is more. Sure a nice base or some eye shadow looks good but when you have bright red cheeks and lips it looks so unnatural. Almost like a clown. I never liked black eye liner; it’s kind of scary to me. And then there are the mud masks. I don’t understand how mud helps the skin. Isn’t mud dirt?

(9) And then there are the ditzy girls. These are the girls that will laugh at anything I guy says. There so superficial and have no personality. Most of them get by through their looks alone while less attractive girls have to be smart and funny to make up for their looks.

(10) And I don’t understand why chicks watch chick flicks. Okay I liked the Twilight series, Titanic and the odd drama but don’t you girls get tired of romance movies? “Oooh I wonder if they are going to hook up or not? What chemistry.” Take the English Patient; it’s the best sleeping pill ever. Or the Ya-Ya bitches; I watched part of it with my mom and I couldn’t take it. So I think every chick flick show some tits for the guys. For example in the movie Pretty Woman they should have a sex scene where Julia Roperts is working the streets and fucks some random John.