World of Warcraft

How To Play World of Warcraft  

Normally I am a reverse retiree that lives with my parents. I don’t have a life and spend most of my time watching T.V. and drinking beer. The only time I’m outside is when I’m getting a coffee or playing hockey or poker. But in the World of Warcraft I’m Lexorkhan defender of the Alliance!

South Park is my favorite show and one of the best has to be the Warcraft one. If you haven’t seen it is hilarious. I also loved the Towlie episode. But this isn’t a funny blog, this is serious!

I’m actually writing this because some douche bag keeps killing me. You see there are two sides in Warcraft, the Alliance and the Horde. The fun part is that you kill each other of the opposite faction and gain bonuses. When you die you have to travel from the nearest grave to your body.

So douche bag has been waiting at my grave and keeps killing me without leaving me a chance to runaway or teleport out. The first time he kills me it’s fine. I go back and he kills me again. This I poor etiquette, you shouldn’t wait at someone’s grave. So I waited five minutes and the fucker has been waiting the whole fucking time. I’m pissed and start watching some Seinfeld for twenty minutes just to be safe. This loser has no life at all; he was still waiting and he laughs at me. So here I am writing how pissed off I am. I hope he gets cancer.

But if you are new to the game it’s a mmorpg where you play with thousands other people online. It’s kind of like the Lord of the Rings. You travel around the lands killing players, animals and monsters to level up and get better items and stuff. But there is really no point to the game at all. You can never beat it. 

But its additive as Hell. It’s almost like slot machines; every once in a while you hit the jackpot and get something killer. Normally this is a bad thing for people who go to school or work but for me it’s all gravy.

I will show you how you can be just like me; Lexorkhan. I have had about ten characters but only four good ones really. My first character was a level seventy. At the time it took forever to level up. I had an awesome time because we would go on these massive raids and had a huge guild following where we talk and joke. However they changed the game so much that it completely fucked up my character.

If you buy the game you get a month subscription. I suggest buying the subscription card where you get two additional months worth for about $30 without the hassle of using your credit card. You want to select PVP where you can kill players of the opposite faction. And join a server with high or full amount because it’s much more fun with more people. With more players there is a much more selection of items at the auction and there are more players to attack.

They added three expansions so far but for the regular game there are eight races to choose from. The Alliance has night elves, humans, gnomes and dwarves. And for the Horde there are the orcs, trolls, forsaken, and minotaurs. I find the orcs to be the most popular race. And there are classes for each character, like a warrior or a shaman.

I chose the night elves a couple of times. They have a lot of cool abilities like disappearing or a fast ghost. And I always wanted elf ears. They start off in Teldrassil where the Horde can’t kill you. In the South Park episode this is where they hunt boar. I love the ambience, the forest are pretty.

My class is a hunter. A hunter has a ranged weapon, a bow, crossbow or a gun. And the best part is you control a pet; pretty much any animal you can tame. You have to reach level 10 to be able to have a pet, but it doesn’t take too long. I go with the bear. Your pet will do your bidding. I will attack and tell my pet to attack the target. So really I don’t face many hand to hand attacks.

There are five main statistics; they are the strength, agility, stamina, spirit and intellect. The cool thing about a hunter is that you don’t have any magic and instead have a “focus.” So there is no point in getting items with intellect or spirit.

You can gain experience a number of ways. You can get it by killing things, completing quests or doing dungeon raids. If you want to level up quickly than I suggest you do dungeons with you and four other players. You need a tank, a healer and three other guys. You fight a number of bosses and get nice items. You are given the option to either really need the item or greed where you want it if nobody needs it. And if you die and can’t find your body than ask the angel to restore you at a cost. By the way in order to swim underwater press the X key.

 If you are going to just kill enemies than I suggest you do quests at the same time. Quests are fun to do and you get great items.  You can have up to 25 quests at a time, most are ones where you kill a number of enemies and report back.

There are professions like creating bags or leather working. I strongly suggest skinning and enchanting. Skinning is where the money is, a lot of dead enemies can be skinned where you get leather and you could then sell that leather to other players.  For example I can sell twenty rugged leather for a 100 gold. It’s quick and worth a lot. The problem though is that some idiots sell it for way cheaper. So I turn around and buy all of it and then sell it for more.

Enchanting adds a whole another dimension to the game. This is where you increase stats or bonuses by enchanting them. For example I will enchant my sword to give it twenty stamina. You disenchant certain items that give you ingredients to then enchant items. Trust me its fun.

You should join a guild. There are many benefits and players that help each other out.

Normally someone of that guild will invite you. If you want to leave the guild then just write “/gquit” It’s fun to chat with other players and tell Chuck Norris jokes and such.

You can store items in bags. When you have the cash I suggest getting two leather working bags, two enchanting bags, one gem bag and the rest nethereave bags.

There are tabs along the bottom that you can choose; its much easier to press a number to select something. I suggest concussive shot, archane shot, multi shot, raptor strike, beastial wrath, mend pet, revive pet, intimidation, healing potion, fervor, mount and call pet.

Most of the time I use concussive shot to make enemies dizzy and then archane shot to deal more damage. If there are many enemies I suggest using multi shot. For bosses I suggest selecting beastial wrath. I use intimidation so the enemy will attack my pet instead of me and fervor if my focus runs out.

And like most things on the internet people can be whoever they want. It’s pretty easy to make fun other people when they will never come across each other. And I don’t know how you can make fun of someone for playing the exact same game. That’s like a trekkie making fun of another trekkie. So go out now and buy World of Warcraft and join me in the war against the Horde.