Do You Know What Bugs Me? Bugs. So Bug Off Bugs!

I have like a 100 mosquitoes bites from last night as Irving’s. I think they drained a good litter of my blood. And the bites are as itchy as hell. I scratch them until they bleed.  Next time I’m wearing pants and a hoody and lather up in two bottles of off repellent. I wish mosquitoes went extinct. I think the world has no use for them except being a pest. The same goes for black lies. The only fun thing to do with mosquitoes is wait till one lands on your arm and squeeze your arm so the squitoes fills up with blood and can barely fly away. I know you can get diseases like the Norwalk virus but can you get the aids?

House flies are the most annoying things ever. I’m a relatively peaceful person, but I would kill millions of flies. Making all that noise and flying around and landing on you. I actually bought three fly swatters for each room in case of a fly emergency. How they get in, I don’t know, because all the doors or windows are closed. But I do get that smudged satisfaction of killing them. Just remember; never let a fly into your teleporter machine because that could spell trouble. I always check my teleporters to make sure nothing is in it. I was considering becoming half man half lizard. What went through a flies head when he hit the windshield? His ass. Hahaha, his ass! Because he’d get smooshed. Ha.

Ants don’t bother me when I’m out side. They do their thing and I only stomp the occasional ant to be a prick. I did use to burn them with a magnify glass as a kid. But I hate them when they are in my house. My mom must have sprayed so much raid it could kill an elephant or slow me down. We also use those traps where the ant brings poison to the queen. Speaking of which, how ants do decided who would become queen. Do they have an inauguration? They guy ants have it made. All the women work while they just fly around and get laid.

I’ve heard rumors that if all of the bees suddenly die we would be screwed because they wouldn’t pollinate all of the plants. And how else would I get honey for my chicken mcnuggets? I’m a little frightened of bees. We actually had them in the basement where I live years ago and they scared the shit out of me. I’m always worried about getting stung in the eye. However I have only been stung once as a little kid right in the hand between my thumb and finger. Of course our OHL hockey team is called the Sarnia Sting. And we have the lovable Buzz the mascot.

My mom always tells me to wash my fruit and such because there is pesticide on them. Well I’m not a bug, I’m a man! I’m only vulnerable to kryptonite I’m pretty sure I won’t succumb to my downfall because some spray was on my apple.

It’s funny but I don’t mind spiders that much as long as they stay in the corner. They eat all of those annoying flies and bugs. Except I don’t like it when they make webs like the webs on my guitar or my NES or my thigh master. I have heard that they can crawl into your mouth. Also I heard chocolate sometimes contain bug legs.

I love stick bugs, or what I call Stickley bugs. They are so cute and funny. And they really do camouflage. I would love to see a marijuana stick bug. That’d be awesome. Editor’s note: sorry Irving I’ll try to stop talking about how much I like weed. Have you ever seen a stick bug on weed? Just joking. I also love beetles. I use to catch them and put them on their back to see if they can roll over. And Tomone and Pumba is right, they are tasty.

Prey mantises have to be the coolest bug there is. They look like this fucked up alien thing from another planet. Their eyes a scary and they have these scissor claw things. In fact Scyther is one of my favorite looking pokemon. Scyther! Of all of the bugs there are, millipedes scare the shit out of me. They’re huge, ugly, have tons of legs and are fast. I can crunch spider with my hand but those mother fuckers get away quick and I don’t even like killing them a ten foot fly swatter.