Horror Movies

Remember watching horror movies as a kid? I always use to hide or cover my face with a pillow during the scary parts. Remember Ghostbusters? Every time I watched them I’d get scared of that ghost in the library and my brother would lie to me. Is it over now? Yup. Ahhh! And I take them too seriously. Watch out bitch he’s right behind you. Or don’t go upstairs.

I grew up with the whole 80s horror classics like Nightmare on Elms Streetor Friday the Thirteen. Those used to give me nightmares for a week. Now I watch them and think they are funnier than anything else. Freddy was my favorite. I guess burning an evil person sounded good at the time. But nobody deserves that no matter how evil they are. Do you know how many skin grafts it took? The bill will have been a fortune. I guess if he can’t sleep because he is worrying about his bills, than nobody else can. If it was my dream I would think of a rocket launcher as if I was the Green Lantern and blow him away.

Scream was a really good movie. Drew Berry was the first to go. She guessed wrong on who the killer was in Friday the Thirteen. It was actually Jason’s mother in the first one because her son drowned. With such a nice house she should have got ATD. There is a killer in my house and I can’t just leave because I’m making Jiffy Puff and it could burn. Then they made two more. Cough. They should have started with an entirely new cast of characters instead of the killer being her roommates, uncle’s lawyer’s cousin. I always guess wrong. It’s got to be the pool boy because he is the only one who can get inside and he hated cleaning all the shit. I liked the part where he’s the killer. No he’s the killer.

I never understood I Know What You Did Last Summer. I smoked weed and played World of Warcraft all last summer without accidentally killing someone. The only reason I watched it was because Jennifer Love Hewitt and Sara Michelle Gellar are so incredibly hot. Carry pepper spray or something. I don’t even remember how it ended. Then they made another one. With Jack Black as the comic relief.

What would you do if you were in a horror movie? First off I wouldn’t try the whole I don’t want to die bit. I’m pretty sure some evil mass murderer won’t have a change of heart. Oh you don’t want me to stab you thirty times like O.J? I thought you wanted to die. How come everyone has a car that won’t start for whatever reason? No the killer broke the spark plug and drained the battery listening to Goth music. I never had a problem starting my mom’s car. Although I never do fill it. And I can’t call the police because I used up all of my minutes for my cell phone. Wait I will try to text the police. I would go to the most populated area in town. I’m pretty sure I won’t get killed in the middle of Wal-Mart. Or at least if I go, they have cameras everywhere and would find him. Or her. The intercom goes on; we have a spill of blood in isle three can somebody bring a mop. And can we have associate in house wares, we have a sketch individual looking at knifes.

What’s the scariest horror movie you ever seen. I feel less is more. I rather watch a psychological thriller to just some gore film. The Shinning is my favorite horror classic made by the horror king himself Stephen King and director Stanley Kubrick. Jack Nicholson was the prefect killer. Here’s Johnny. It starts off slow but the tension builds up as he descends into insanity. The twin girls or the old lady in the bath scarred that shit out of me. It had the perfect ending in the maze.

The Six Sense was as a cinematic experience. My friends were watching it and I came over just after Bruce gets shot by that crazy guy played by the New Kids on the Block. Spoiler alert! So I had no clue that Bruce was a ghost himself. I watched it again just to put all of the pieces together. But wow it was especially scary when you see the ghost wife that slit her wrists or the boy with his head blown off.

Then they made the Saw movies. I hated them. I can’t even watch that disgusting shit. Okay I have to cut off my leg because I’m a shoplifter and stole some CDs. How the fuck can’t they find this douche. They always rush after the puppet alone instead of getting a fucking army to kill the bastard. It’s like watching a cow get butchered.