Coffee Head

I’m Greg Merchant and I’m addicted to coffee. Or anything with caffeine. Like how the sun is the source of Superman’s power, coffee is my energy. Without it I would sleep even more. Right now I sleep 12 hours including naps. So I usually go to Tim Horton’s to get my morning coffee to perk me up. I always get a XL double double coffee. If they made XXL coffee I’d get that. Because it’s never enough. My mom tells me that if I drink coffee everyday at Tims than I will have spent over $600 a year. That’s a lot of money. I could buy even more video games or sponsor a child. Ha-ha sponsor a child. But seriously my mom already does sponsor a child.

As a child, pop was my favorite beverage. I don’t know the first time I drank some but I’m sure it was awesome. It was a time when we had glass bottles which you dispose at the grocery store. There was no disgusting master’s choice or prime minister’s choice. My mom actually bought Pepsi and other kinds of Pepsi flavors. I always picked the Pepsi brand pops like Seven Up or Barqs. Now I hear of kids not allowed to drink pop. How sad, I would run away from home and sell my blood for some Jolt. I mean other than tooth decay and hyperactive kids what’s wrong with pop?

I have done the Pepsi test and aced it. What I don’t get is if Pepsi Max or Coke Zero have the same great taste with zero calories than why they even have regular pop? I bet because it doesn’t taste the same and people are thinking they are being healthier for getting diet pop.

In high school I drank a shit load pop. I would hang out at Stickleys and drink all of their pop. Normally four or five cans. Good thing I have good livers. At McDonalds or the theaters I ask for no ice cubes. Or sometimes only water. Speaking of which I wished I started the whole bottle water industry. Who would have thought filling a bottle with a hose and saying it comes from some natural spring would do so well. I’m thinking of making a bottle called Hose Water and sell it cheaper than the rest. All I need is some start off cash.

And later then I got hooked on beer. But I should have drank coffee in high school. I was always too tired and spent the morning with my head down. I tried to sleep at seven o’cock; I mean seven o'clock but couldn’t fall asleep. If only school started an hour later. I think the best feeling is when you wake up and you don’t have to go yet and you can sleep for another ten minutes. I did try coffee once but I thought it was the most disgusting thing.

But one faithful day at University I had two exams and decided to drink some coffee and see what everyone was talking about. Wow! I was perked up and spent the whole night studying. I became instantly hooked. I love coffee but I drink it warm. So now I drink a lot of instant coffee several times a day.

And then came energy drinks. I get them at Dollarama, they’re cheap and effective. And they taste great. Redbull started off with cans, but now you can get energy drinks in the form of a shot glass or even gum. How far can they go? Are there regulations on how much caffeine and other chemicals you can put in? I mean there has to be a limit. Of course the first Coca Cola was made with, you guess it, cocaine. Still I love them and they perk you up so you can get even more hammered because you are awake. My friends on the other hand are concerned about my health and other things. Like Big Macs or crossing the road.