Pet Peeves

I’ve always wanted a dog. But I had to settle on getting a gerbil I named General. Why did I name him General? I forget. But it’s a better name than Fluffy. I loved him. We use to build these elaborate play grounds for General out of paper rolls and boxes. The problem was that you can’t let him outside the cage because he could hide anywhere. I spent a lot of time trying to get him out under the dresser with bait. I also cried when I couldn’t find him. So that’s why I loved when I put him into those plastic balls and let him roam all over the house. It was hilarious seeing him bump into things. The only downside was cleaning out his cage.

But gerbils don’t live forever. After three years he died. I remember waking up and seeing him frozen with his paws clinched. No! Don’t die on me General! Please. I guess I had to morn for several days and know that General went to gerbil heaven. Where there are mountains of sunflower seeds and tubes that stretch on forever.

Then my brother got a hamster which I ended taking care of. The poor thing died in five months. Later I got a guinea pig which was really cute but really annoying. All it did was cry and shit. I should have gotten him potty trained or something. So after a few months we gave him away to some farm.  Years later I got another hamster that I called Trip. Well I went back to university and my mom had to take care of him. I actually did a photo project of Trip for art class.

 I also bought a chameleon that I renamed Camo from a friend’s brother. I don’t know how well he was taken care of because he was always so nervous. Chameleon’s have to be the funniest looking animal on earth. Their eyes are hilarious, the move independently and all directions. They actually do change their colors. I’ve heard several people saying that they do it to camouflage and blend in or change because of how they feel; scarred or angry. They have these weird hands to climb with. They use their tails to hang from or whatever. And they have the coolest tongue, just like Yoshi. I feed him crickets and worms. You have to spray their tank twice a day and change the lights and heat lamps depending on the time of day. I spent a lot of time and money on him. Then he died in a few months later. Apparently they don’t make good pets because they are so paranoid and not meant to be contained.

I did have the chance to take care of a dog for several months. His name was Doogie just like Doogie Howser MD. It was a Jack Russell Terrier just like Eddie off of Frasier. The only problem was that Doogie lost any eye because of some cataract or something. But don’t worry they put like a patch over it and he was still just as cute. It was up to me to walk the dog, rain or shine. Of course I would secretly give him doggy treats so he’d like me the best. I actually did a speech about Doogie.

My uncle took this cat off the streets. They called him Gimpy because he had a twisted paw. But this was the nicest cat ever. We took care of him for a couple of days while my uncle went out of town. He would get behind the television I was worried if Gimp would bite the wires or get trapped. Because it’s a bitch to set up the T.V.

And we had gold fish.