Fashion

I can be very metro when it comes to shopping. But I like to look good for the ladies. As a kid I hated shopping with my mom. No mom I’m not wearing this turtle neck or this brown vest. I want jogging pants with big wheel trucks on them and this Super Mario sweater. Sometimes I wonder how other people wear stupid shirts like a wolf or Halo shirt.

But years later I turned into a pro shopper. I shop efficient and go alone, I’m much quicker that way. I love my clothes and have so many. My wardrobe is like a collection. I’ve got about 25 T-shirts of every color. Except pink and purple, it’s little gay and I just don’t like those colors. I still wear clothes that I wore in high school that are a more than a decade old.

Winners is my favorite clothing store. Sure 90% of the clothes are crap but you find those hidden gems. I find clothes that you can’t buy anywhere except at Winners. They are way cheaper too. I like the fact that the employees don’t hassle you. I like that they hang the clothes up. I hate going to a little shop and they’re all nice and folded. I make such a mess looking for the right size and do a piss poor job refolding the clothes. But I guess the clerks have nothing better to do and can fold everything.

My mom loves shopping and likes a good deal. Sometimes she shops at Goodwill or Value Village. She’d be like how you like these sandals? I got them for three dollars. What I don’t get is why do people donate their underwear and the store actually sells them. Anyone want herpes? And people sometimes donate broken televisions so they don’t have to pay to dispose of.

If I go to any other clothing store they play the twenty question game. They first ask how you’re doing. I’d say awesome. What are you looking for? Clothes. These shorts are buy one get one half off. Yes I can see the sign. And I’m not going to buy two of the same pair of shorts.

I hate when you’re trying on clothes and there is no mirror in your change room. I mean I have to stare at my ass in a pair of jeans in front of people. Sometimes the color isn’t the same as you leave the store. I’ve bought a blue shirt that looked good under their lighting but turned out to be way too baby blue.

I like funny shirts. I should have bought this sweet one saying I know karate. I was looking at it and the next day it was sold out or sent away. I love when chicks have words on their shirts like I’m a princess or I like cock. You can read them and stare at their rack at the same time.

My bother likes black music shirts that I buy for him. He’s got ACDC, Pink Floyd, Billy Talent, Bob Marley and Led Zeppelin. I’ve been searching everywhere for a Matthew Goodband shirt. We also have sweet Manchester soccer jerseys.

We both like hats too. Unlike players, I curve the rim and wear it both normal and backwards. I like the color white except that it gets yellow from my overactive sweat glands in the summer. So I use strong detergent. Or I dip it in the pool and let the chlorine do its job. The best part about a hat is to hide your joint inside the flap. I’ve sneaked in a joint into a concert many of times this way.

Now the kids are into neon and fluorescent clothes. I used to wear them in the eighties. I even had those spandex shorts. They are wearing tight jeans again. So I guess I’m not with it anymore. Just like how old people wear their pants way up to their necks aren’t with it. I wonder if I will look that silly in my baggy cargo pants and shirts that say Quicksilver when I’m old.

My mom does the laundry. I usually just throw all my clothes in at once so I don’t have to put them away. Too bad my mom doesn’t use Tide and my colors fade. Mom my red shirt turned into pink and this grey shirt use to be black.

I hate stains. That’s why I don’t wear white shirts. I mean you’re enjoying a nice ice ream and oops you got a chocolate stain that looks like poo. I’d be mom quick I’ve got a ketchup stain on my grey shirt that need the washing machine now! Come on let the soap work. Come on work baby. I go as to taking off my shirt when eating spaghettos. And I hate when they shrink. Sure you can see my muscles but you can also see nipples. When I was away at university I hated doing the laundry. I’ve waited until five in the morning to use them. And if you don’t take them out right away someone will throw them on the floor.

 

I tell this story often. Me and my brother went to Shawn Burr and Steve Yzerman hockey camp. We got half the Red Wings team signatures on our jerseys. And guess what my mom did. She put them into the washing machine. Yes, she actually did that. I don’t know where they are now. However my bro won the shooting contest and won an awesome stick with Yzerman’s signature. One day when I’m successful, my signature will be worth a lot of money. Too bad I’ve lost the ability to write because I’m so dependent on my laptop.